There are two ways that are pleasing to God in order to protect us from the sin of fornication: monasticism and family life. “It is good for a man not to touch a woman,” says the holy Apostle Paul. “But in order to avoid fornication, each one should have his own wife, and each one should have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7: 1-2). For us, mired in the problems of finding our daily bread, burdened with worldly things, monastic life, which rejects all vain and especially brings us closer to the Throne of God, is not yet available. But, “everyone has his own gift from God, and if he cannot abstain, let him marry” (1 Cor. 7, 7, 9). So let's talk about marriage.
What is the Sacrament of Marriage? Establishment of the Sacrament.
In the Sacrament of Marriage, the spouses are given the grace that sanctifies their union (in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church), as well as the birth and Christian upbringing of children.
Marriage is a Sacrament in which, with a free promise before the priest and the Church, the groom and the bride of their mutual marital fidelity, their conjugal union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church, and the grace of pure unanimity is asked for them, for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children. This definition of Christian marriage is given by the Orthodox Catechism.
The Lord Himself established the Law of the family, blessing the first of them - “the speech of the Lord God: it is not good for one man to be: let us make him a helper for him ... And create a rib for a wife, and lead you to Adam ...” (Gen. 2, 18:22 ), and all subsequent families - "and God bless them, verb: grow and multiply, and fill the earth, and rule over it" (Gen. 1.28). Abraham, entrusting his faithful servant to find a bride for Isaac, his son, said: “He (the Lord) will send His Angel before you, and you will take a wife for my son ...” (Gen. 24: 7); in the Book of Proverbs it says: "... an intelligent wife is from the Lord" (19,14). The prophet Malachi notes that the Lord is always a witness of the conjugal union (Mal. 2:14), etc. etc.
In the New Testament, this ancient Law of God on marriage is confirmed and sanctified into the Sacrament by the words of the Savior: “Therefore, a man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and the two will become one flesh ... So what God has united, let not man separate ”(Matthew 19: 5,6).
In our time, unfortunately, highest point human life LOVE is very often perverted by people. Instead of being the source of the highest joy, happiness and pleasure, love in a sinful person becomes either biased and unjust, or passionate and excessive, or sensual and lustful, or destructive and criminal. In so-called civil marriages, we try to achieve a free and close union of the two sexes, but these efforts do not lead to anything. In these marriages, violence of one side often makes itself felt by the other - mutual infidelity is revealed soon after marriage, because there is no obligation to marital fidelity; hence - quarrels, divorces, etc. There is no pacifying and blessing Hand of the Lord over such families. There is no power over them that would strengthen and spiritualize the married life. But this power is given only in the Church!
Marriage is a Church Sacrament
The Apostle Paul says that Marriage is a Church Sacrament: “This is a great Mystery; I speak in relation to Christ and the Church ”(Eph. 5.32), that is, in the likeness of the mysterious union of Christ with the Church, of which He“ is the Head and Savior ”(5.23), and which he LOVED and gave Himself for her, in order to sanctify it and constantly nourish and warm it (5, 25-26,29). Think about it! This is the sacred unity: in the Old Testament, Adam was put to sleep, and while he was sleeping, his wife was created from his rib; in the New Testament - the Savior was also put to sleep on the Cross, and Blood and Water were shed from His rib to water, nourish the Church - the Bride of Christ! Hence the comparison: “Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But as the Church obeys Christ, so also wives to their husbands in everything ”(Eph. 5: 22-24).
So, as a blessed Sacrament, Christian marriage is distinguished by its purity and perfection, spirituality and holiness both in its properties and in the responsibilities that are assigned to spouses. The hallmarks of Christian marriage are its UNITY and NON-DEPLOYMENT.
Marriage, as the unity of the two sexes, must first of all be the union of one husband with one wife (1 Cor. 7.2). St. John Chrysostom says that "if God wanted to leave a wife and take another, then he would have created one man and many women." Gregory the Theologian argues that marriage is the limit of desire, "so that not every wife should strive for every husband." As soon as the husband and wife are one flesh (Gen. 2:24), then there is no need to share your love between someone third or fourth.
The second feature of Christian marriage is its indissolubility, according to which the marriage union between husband and wife is concluded not for a short time, but for life. Husband and wife are united by God Himself, and what God has united, no one has the right to separate (Matt. 19.6). But Church legislation is still forced to take into account the realities of a sinful person and the circumstances of a changing life, and therefore the Church adopted a special "Definition of reasons for dissolution of the marriage union ...", which we will talk about later.
As a close, united and indissoluble union, Christian marriage imposes on husband and wife the duty of the most sincere Christian love. Spouses must mutually respect and love each other, but, on the other hand, the husband must protect, guide and rule his wife, as the weakest vessel (1 Peter 3: 7), his weakest being. But this domination is not the kind of despotism and violence that a wife sometimes suffers from her husband! To correct the Old Testament Church, mired in uncleanness and vices, our Lord did not resort to violence and threats, but with His selfless love and great solicitude He washed her from disgrace, blotted out her old age, making her a New, sparkling and fragrant Bride. Here is an example of the Christian attitude of a husband to his wife! Sincerely loving her, with all his heart, he does everything to her exaltation and glory. There can be no shadow of violence or humiliation in his attitude towards her! The wife is weaker than the husband, and this weakness of her serves for him an even greater incentive to help her, support and protect her. The wife is internally and naturally connected with her husband: she is his own body, and therefore not to love her is not to love yourself!
Accordingly, the duties assigned to the wife do not contain anything contrary to her interests and dignity. She must love her husband just as the Church loves the Lord: the Church sacredly and God-fearing fulfills His will. A wife must obey her husband as Lord (Eph. 5:22): the husband is for her, as it were, a representative of Jesus Christ, and therefore cannot offer her any illegal demands. The wife, respecting the high dignity of her husband, should treat his demands with complete trust, humility and respect. She should fear her husband (Eph. 5:33) in the sense that she recognizes his high dignity as a representative of the Lord, values his love highly, and is afraid of offending him in any way - just as we all fear God.
Someone, after reading this, will say: "Yes, this is a perfect family, and we are so far from it!" Yes - this is the perfection of human love, but does not our life consist in striving for perfection? Have you ever thought that if everyone fulfilled the few commandments left to us by the Savior, then we would forever get rid of hatred and anger, anger and lust, crimes and punishments? It's the same in marriage: read the Epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians - here's a guide to action, here's an instruction for marriage! Will there be quarrels in families, "difficult" children, divorces then? I think no. Husbands! Be worthy of your wives, and your wives - your husbands!
Who can and who cannot get married?
The Orthodox Church, although it considers civil marriage to be devoid of grace, nevertheless recognizes it and does not at all consider it illegal fornication. But the conditions for marriage, established by civil laws and church canons, have significant differences. Therefore, not every civil marriage can be consecrated in the Sacrament.
The Holy Apostle Paul testifies that the family is a “home church” (Col. 4:15). The Church gathers like-minded people, those who are united by one faith and striving to cleanse themselves and bring them closer to God. Therefore, Christian marriage is possible when husband and wife are united not only by mutual love, but, first of all, by life in Christ. In the ancient Church, the wedding took place only after the mutual communion of the future spouses of the Body and Blood of Christ. Following from this, marriage is not blessed if at least one of the spouses declares himself to be a convinced atheist who has come to church at the insistence of one of the spouses or parents. Also, the wedding does not take place if at least one of the spouses is not baptized and is not ready to be baptized before the wedding.
For an Orthodox person to marry with a person of another Christian denomination (Catholic, Baptist, etc.), the permission of the bishop is required. Of course, a marriage is not married if at least one of the spouses professes a non-Christian religion. But a marriage contracted according to a heterodox rite, and even a non-Christian one, concluded before the spouses joined the Orthodox Church, can be considered valid if at least one of them received Holy Baptism.
An obstacle to marriage is the consanguinity of the bride and groom - father and daughter (one degree of relationship), brother and sister (two degrees of relationship), uncle and niece (three degrees), cousins (four degrees). In the Russian Church, on the basis of the decree of the Holy Synod of January 19, 1810, marriage is prohibited only up to the fourth degree inclusive.
Spiritual kinship is also an obstacle to marriage: the boy's recipient is prohibited from marrying his widowed or divorced mother, respectively, and the girl's recipient with the girl's father. Simply, godfather and godfather cannot become husband and wife.
Of course, people who already have a legal spouse do not get married. In this case, you can enter into a new marriage only after the termination of the previous one, due to the death of one of the spouses, or when the existing marriage has been terminated legally.
When is divorce legal?
The main purpose of man is LOVE. God is love. Where is love realized? In family. A person in a family reveals and shows love for another. And divorce is humiliation, murder of Love, therefore the Church treats divorce with contrition, sadness and pain. However, it defines the reasons for which divorce is legal. It:
- adultery, i.e. sexual intercourse of one of the spouses with a stranger;
- physical inability to marital cohabitation (by the way, eunuchs cannot marry, people who are naturally incapable of sexual cohabitation or brought to such a state by an illness, insane and crazy, because they have no will of their own);
- the unknown absence of one of the spouses for five or more years;
- self-confusion;
- pimping;
- disease with leprosy and syphilis;
- unnatural vices;
- falling away from Orthodoxy of one of the spouses when applying for a divorce of the other;
- encroachment on the life of children or spouse;
- pimping.
At the Council of Bishops in 2000, the Church added four more conditions to the existing ones, which are grounds for divorce:
- AIDS disease;
- chronic alcoholism of one of the spouses;
- drug use by one of the spouses;
- performing an abortion without the consent of the husband.
In general, it should be said that at all times the Church did not recognize divorce (except for a divorce due to adultery) and did not give it out. The Savior said: “Whoever divorces his wife not for adultery and marries another commits adultery” (Matthew 19: 9). And the holy Apostle Paul directly wrote: “I do not command those who marry, but the Lord: a wife should not divorce her husband, but if she divorces, then she must remain celibate, or be reconciled with her husband” (1 Cor. 7, 10-11). So divorce in the church consciousness was viewed as evil and sin.
But just as after every sin repentance is possible, so after divorce, a new beginning is possible and new life... Saint Epiphanius of Cyprus said: “Whoever cannot observe abstinence after the death of his first wife, or who divorces his wife for a legal reason, such as fornication, adultery, or another crime, is not excluded from the Church by the Word of God, even if he takes another wife, or wife - of another husband; The Church tolerates this for the sake of human weakness. " And the Apostle Paul draws a line under this question: “Love never ceases, although prophecies will cease, and tongues will cease, and knowledge will be abolished” (1 Cor. 13: 8) and further: “If they cannot abstain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to kindle ”(1 Cor. 7: 9).
According to the canonical rules of the Church, ordination represents an unconditional obstacle to marriage. Monastics cannot enter into marriage already in force and within the meaning of their vow of celibacy. Clergymen of the "white priesthood" enter into marriage before their ordination to priest or deacon. Second marriage is forbidden to them.
As for second marriage, the Church does not encourage it, and completely prohibits marriage "for the sake of lust." However, after a legitimate church divorce, a second marriage is only allowed to the innocent divorced spouse. A person guilty of a divorce can remarry only after repentance and having received the penance imposed by the confessor. The Church allows a third marriage if the reason for divorce is the death of one of the spouses. If this is not the case, then both spouses must bring repentance and penance.
And yet - with regard to the age of those entering into marriage: by the decree of the Holy Synod of 1774, it was determined to marry men who were 15 years old, and women - 13. And in 1830, by the Highest decree, it was forbidden to marry if the groom is not 18 years old, and the bride is 16 years old. This rule is guided by the Church to this day. The Holy Synod also decided in 1744 not to marry people over 80 years of age. This was explained by the fact that such a deep old age contradicts the very goals of marriage.
When is it not allowed to have a wedding?
The wedding is not performed:
- during all four posts,
- on Cheese Week,
- in the period from the Nativity of Christ to the Feast of the Epiphany (Christmastide).
It is not customary to marry on Saturday, as well as on the eve of the twelve, great and temple holidays, so that the pre-holiday evening does not pass in noisy fun and entertainment.
In addition, in the Russian Orthodox Church, marriage is not performed:
- on Tuesdays and Thursdays (on the eve of Wednesday and Friday fast days),
- on the eve and in the days of the Beheading of John the Baptist (August 29 / September 11)
- and the Exaltation of the Holy Cross (September 14/27).
Simply put, the Wedding is held on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays, if there are no Church holidays or fasting.
Celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage
According to the holy Apostle Paul, everything in the Church should be decorous (1 Cor. 14:40). Each Sacrament in the Church has its own ordinance. And the Orthodox Church, the treasury of pious traditions, performs the Sacrament of Marriage with special joy and gaiety. One of the great Teachers of the Church, Tertullian, said: "God does not forbid having fun when people get married." Therefore, all the time, while the Sacrament is being followed, candles are burning in the church as a symbol of joy and joy ... But everything is in order.
So, since ancient times, the Holy Church has established that the divine service at the wedding will consist of three sequences:
- betrothal,
- the wedding itself
- and the permission of the crowns.
Betrothal
Now the betrothal and the wedding takes place one after the other, but before, quite a lot of time passed between them. In 1702, civil law established that an engagement should be performed six (!) Weeks before the wedding! Since ancient times, betrothal has been performed in the Orthodox Church with a blessing from a clergyman, prayer and the exchange of rings. As early as 1092, it was said about the blessing during the betrothal: "If he does not have a sacred blessing, then this betrothal is not true." The prayers that the Church offers for the betrothed, we find in the Holy Scriptures: in the Book of Genesis (24,12-15), or in the Book of Tobit (7,11). This testifies that everything is sanctified by the word of God and prayer (1 Tim. 4, 5).
The very succession of the betrothal is as follows: the bride and groom at the end of the Liturgy, where both are to confess and take communion, stand in the narthex of the church - the groom is on the right, the bride is on the left. The priest in full vestments leaves the altar through the Royal Doors, holding the Cross and the Gospel in his hands. A candle is brought out in front of the priest. He places the cross and the Gospel on a lectern standing in the middle of the church ...
During the Liturgy, the rings that the future spouses will be betrothed are on the right side of the Holy See, before the face of God, suggesting that God Himself unites the bride and groom. In ancient times, instead of rings, they were betrothed with rings, which at that time were personal seals. And the groom, for example, gave his ring to the bride so that “having taken care of the household, she had something to seal things worth saving” (Clement of Alexandria). Therefore, giving their rings to each other, the bride and groom testified that they entrust each other their honor, their rights and peace of mind.
Now rings are more common as a symbol of eternity without end. A Christian marriage must also be eternal. And even death cannot tear him apart.
The groom's ring - usually gold, symbolizes with its brilliance the sun, the light of which is likened to the husband in the marriage union.
The bride's ring is silver, like the likeness of the moon, a lesser luminary, shining with reflected sunlight ...
… The priest, approaching the spouses, gives them lighted candles, in remembrance of the wise virgins walking towards the Bridegroom with lamps. For those who do not have lamps will be rejected from participating in the Marriage Celebration (Matthew 25: 1-12). Fire also gives warmth, because lighted candles show the joy of meeting two loving people. Candles are not given if people marry for the second or third time, because VIRGINS (virgins) came out to meet the Lord.
After censing and prayers asking for the blessing of the new brides, the priest says three times "The servant of God is betrothed ... the servant of God ...", three times makes the sign of the cross over the head of the bridegroom, and puts a ring on his finger. Then he repeats the same for the bride. The ring is put on the finger of the right hand, signifying what was said in the Scriptures that the right hand prevails over the left (Gen. 48, 14-18; Exod. 15.6).
After that, as a sign of giving oneself for life to each other, and to the Lord - both in an inseparable way, as a sign of unanimity, consent and mutual assistance in the upcoming marriage, the bride and groom exchange rings three times, with the participation of the groom's friend or priest. Eventually, gold ring remains with the bride, and the silver remains with the groom. An ancient practice is seen here, when the betrothal was separated from the wedding for a long period, and the betrothed kept each other's rings with themselves, and at the moment before the wedding, they returned them as a sign of preserved love and fidelity. "And the right hand (right hand) of Thy servant will be blessed ..." - is sung in prayer after the betrothal.
Wedding
The wedding ceremony appeared in Church practice as early as the fourth century. Prior to this, Christians entered into marriage simply through a church blessing and a civil contract. Tertullian wrote that a true marriage took place in front of the Church, was sanctified by prayer and sealed with the Sacrament. It was the Eucharist that was the seal of marriage. It was only in the 10th century that the rite appeared, which, with some amendments, is still being performed.
The bride and groom, holding lighted candles in their hands, solemnly enter the middle of the temple. Ahead of them is a priest with a censer, indicating that on the path of life they must follow the Commandments of the Lord, and their good deeds will ascend to God like incense. During the procession, the choir sings Psalm 127, which glorifies a God-blessed marriage.
The bride and groom stand on a white (or pink) dress spread on the floor in front of the analogue, where the Cross and the Gospel lie, and again declare their free will to unite in marriage and the absence in the past on the part of each of them of a promise to a third person to marry him. After that, the wedding service itself is already performed "by prayer, laying of crowns, reading the word of God, drinking a common cup and walking around the lectern."
Prayer
The wedding begins with a liturgical exclamation: "Blessed is the Kingdom ...", which proclaims the participation of those who are to be married to the Kingdom of God. Then the priest prayerfully remembers the mysterious creation of the first people and the first marriage blessing in Paradise, which subsequently extended to all people. In prayer to the Triune Creator of the world, who blessed Abraham and Sarah, who gave Isaac to Rebekah, who combined Jacob and Rachel, who united Joseph and Asenef, who blessed Zachariah and Elizabeth, and from them gave birth to the Forerunner of Christ, who blessed marriage in Cana of Galilee and now the Church asks the gift of , longevity, chastity, love for each other, to make them see the children of children, to fulfill their house of wheat, wine, oil and all benevolence.
Laying of crowns
Reading the word of God
The Church seals the wedding by reading the words of the Apostle about the mystery of marriage and the duties of spouses (Eph. 5: 20-33). By reading the Gospel, the Church proclaims the miraculous transformation of water into wine at the marriage in Cana of Galilee (John 2: 1-11), because with this transformation the Lord sanctified and blessed the conjugal union.
Drinking a common bowl
Inspiring the spouses that their marriage agreement should make both joy and sorrow in the family common, inseparable, so that there is one joy in the Lord in the family, the priest, after reading the Apostle and the Gospel, and by prayer and blessing, gives the couples a common cup of wine. The newlyweds alternately (first the groom, then the bride) drink wine in three doses, already united into one person before the Lord (Gen. 2:24). From now on, husband and wife have a common life: one destiny, one thoughts, one desires, one body. In the past, it was the common Eucharistic cup, which recorded the fulfillment of marriage in Christ.
Walking around the lectern
The last rite of the Sacrament of Wedding is walking around the lectern, meaning the eternal procession that has already begun for the spouses. The priest, joining the right hands of the young (see Comrade 7.12), and covering it with an epitrachelion, and on top with his own hand, as if twining and tying their hands before God, circles them three times around the analogion. During the first round, the church choir gratifies with its singing the Blessed Virgin Mary, who gave birth to our Savior; during the second, it glorifies those who have been crowned with a martyr's crown, inspiring the newlyweds to acquire crowns for the Kingdom of God, and during the third, it glorifies Christ God, for whose glory everyone must serve.
Resolution of crowns
At the end of the procession, the priest removes the crowns from the spouses, greeting them with the words: "Be exalted, bridegroom, like Abraham, and blessing like Isaac, and multiplying like Jacob, walk in peace and do God's commandments in righteousness." "And you, bride, exalted like Sarah, and rejoiced like Rebekah, and multiplied like Rachel, rejoicing in your husband, keeping the limits of the law, because God is so pleased." Then the priest asks the Lord to accept the newlyweds' crowns undefiled and blameless in His Kingdom, blesses them with a priestly blessing, and the spouses, with a chaste kiss, testify to holy and pure love for each other.
At the end, the newlyweds are brought to the Royal Doors, where the groom kisses the icon of the Savior, and the bride - the image of the Mother of God; then they change places and apply, respectively, the groom to the icon of the Mother of God, and the bride to the image of the Savior. Here, the priest gives them the Cross for kissing and gives them two icons: the groom - the image of the Savior, and the bride - Holy Mother of God... The relatives of the young bring these icons from home or acquire them in church as a parental blessing.
At the end of the celebration of the Sacrament, before the dismissal, the "Prayer for the permission of the crowns on the eighth day" follows. Seven days in the Orthodox Church, based on Scripture, are given for great Christian celebrations. Since ancient times, those who receive holy baptism and chrismation have been assigned seven days of pious celebration before taking off their baptismal garments and washing their bodies. A week is also given for the retreat, ending with confession and Holy Communion. The reception of the priesthood and monasticism is also celebrated for seven days. Likewise, in the Sacrament of Marriage, it was decreed (see Judgment 14.12; Comrade 11.18) to celebrate and not to remove wedding crowns for seven days. (In ancient times, the crowns were not metal, but from myrtle or olive trees, so they did not cause any special inconvenience to newlyweds ...)
Everything. This completes the ceremony of the Sacrament of the Wedding. Now the conjugal union will be entirely in the hands of the husband and wife. And if they observe marital fidelity and boundless love for each other, then Christ God - the King of the world will be with them and in them - for God is love, and he who abides in love - abides in God, and God in him.
Glory to Thee, Lord!
"Orthodox and Catholics Together in Defense of the Family."
Your Eminence Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia! Dear fathers, brothers and sisters!
I cordially greet all of you gathered in Rome today to reflect together on how to preserve and pass on to future generations the Christian understanding of family and marriage. This topic is relevant not only for Orthodox and Catholics, but also for Christians of other confessions, since the family is the most important support for the harmonious development of society and the fundamental principle of the life of any nation.
In the modern world, processes are taking place as a result of which the family as a social institution is under the threat of decay and degeneration. To give a convincing answer to the challenges of the secular worldview, we Christians must rely, first of all, on Holy Scripture and the experience of the Church.
In the biblical understanding, marriage and family are the original form of collective, "conciliar" life, to which a person is called by the Creator Himself. A person's life is not limited by the narrow framework of individual existence: a person is fully realized as a person not by himself, but in spiritual communion with God and his neighbor.
The theme of the union of love between a man and a woman is one of the most important themes of biblical evangelism. In the Book of Genesis, the Lord Himself gives an extremely clear definition of the family: “A man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and the two will be one flesh ”(Gen. 2:24). These words serve as the basis for the theological teaching on family and marriage.
In the Holy Scriptures, we read how, at the most dramatic moments in history, the Lord warned against the danger of weakening family and brotherly ties, caused by doubt, selfishness, or hardened hearts. Since the time of Cain and Abel, when love dwindles and family ties disintegrate, enmity and sin inevitably lead to murder, wars and numerous disasters. In the Sinai desert, so that the people do not perish in their iniquities, the Lord gives the Prophet Moses the tablets of the Covenant with commandments, some of which concern the fundamental principles of family life.
In their memory, the people also retained positive examples from the life of the patriarchs: in the name of kinship, Abraham did not part with Lot at the decisive moment, Jacob reconciled with Esau, Joseph forgave his brothers. Healthy family relationships unite people with bonds of loyalty, honor, sincerity, mutual assistance and understanding. The family becomes that “nest” (Proverbs 27: 8), in which a person surrounded by brothers ascends from strength to strength and receives the very first lessons on how to distinguish between good and evil. This is why the image of the house is often used to describe peace and prosperity in the language of the Old Testament. And in the New Testament parable of the prodigal son, the father's house becomes a type of the house of God. Note also that Old Testament prophets often use the family metaphor to denote a separate tribe or the entire people as a whole, referring to the “house of Israel,” “the house of Judah,” etc. (Jer. 31:31).
The family in the biblical sense consists of a man, a woman and their children. It becomes a living cell of a tribe, people and, ultimately, of that single family, whose true Father is God, who created all of humanity in the person of Adam and Eve. The earthly father gives birth only in the flesh, while the Father of all people in the fullest and absolute sense of the word is the Lord Himself.
The New Testament Emphasizes the Spiritual Dimension family life... In this, Christianity differs significantly from other religious, philosophical and political movements that advocate the ideals of equality and brotherhood. The Church of Christ does not so much proclaim these ideals as reveals, as a tangible reality, genuine brotherhood, possible only in God the Son, through whom God the Father adopts us as sons (Gal. 4: 5-7; Rom. 8: 14-17; Eph. 1: 5).
Archpriest John Meyendorff defines the essence of Christian marriage as follows: “A Christian is called - already in this world - to have the experience of a new life, to become a citizen of the Kingdom; and this is possible for him in marriage. Thus, marriage ceases to be just the satisfaction of temporary natural impulses ... Marriage is a unique union of two beings in love, two beings who can transcend their own human nature and be united not only with each other, but also in Christ. "
A family in the Christian sense is a union of a man and a woman, based not just on mutual attraction, passion, or common interests, but on the desire to live together and be a “home church” (Col. 4:15). “Where a husband, a wife, and children are united in harmony and love by the bonds of virtue, there is Christ in the midst,” writes St. John Chrysostom. (On the Book of Genesis. Word VII). To create a truly Christian family, family ties alone are not enough; the family is called to become a "small church", a living icon of eternal love, in which the commandments of God are kept and passed on from generation to generation. It is not for nothing that the Gospels often compare the Kingdom of Heaven with marriage, with a wedding feast, in which the aspirations of the Old Testament prophets for a new and eternal covenant between God and His people are fulfilled.
The rapid changes taking place in the modern world pose serious challenges to the spiritual well-being of the family. The domination of individualism, consumerism and hedonistic psychology contributes to an increase in the number of divorces, a fall in the birth rate, an increase in conflict in intrafamily relations and the breakdown of ties between generations. The so-called "partnership" has become a widespread form of substitution of family values by the mercantile interests of the parties. Various forms of extramarital cohabitation without mutual obligations are becoming more widespread, striking a blow to the moral integrity of the individual and distorting the very concept of the family.
Attempts to equate homosexual unions with marriage and to give same-sex couples the right to adopt and raise children are in the extreme expression of the crisis. The law transforms the child from a subject of law into an object of law - into an object that everyone can now possess. This is a fundamentally new view of the child not as a "fruit of love", but as an object of satisfying needs that is accessible to any "couple". This approach cannot but cause serious concern, along with fears for the development and mental balance of children adopted by same-sex “parents”.
Any legislation is based on certain moral premises, on the idea of what is good and what is evil, what is moral and what is immoral. The ideologization of human consciousness, the imposition of new moral attitudes on people will inevitably lead to changes in legislation. But if changes in legislation are introduced against the will of the majority, to please specific minorities lobbying for their interests with the help of administrative resources, this is fraught with dangerous social cataclysms.
Lobbying for legislative initiatives that equate the traditional family with same-sex unions is taking place today with the support of the state authorities of a number of Western countries, against the will of the people, without serious and free discussions among specialists and without involving the general public.
So, in January of this year, the Minister of Education of France Vincent Peillon said that at school, students should get rid of all forms of determinism - family, ethnic, social or intellectual. According to the instructions of the ministry headed by him, from the new school year in French schools the words "boy" and "girl" will be replaced by the words "friends" and "children".
Following the same logic, the French Constitutional Council on May 17, 2013 legalized same-sex unions, equating them to marriage. With regard to adoption, the Constitutional Council stressed that the law recognizes such a right in principle, but this does not mean that all same-sex couples are guaranteed to receive this right, since each case of adoption is considered individually and the decision is always made based on the interests of the child.
After President François Hollande signed the relevant bill, mass demonstrations took place in France, attracting more than a million participants. France has not seen such protests in almost thirty years, since two million people took to the streets in Paris on June 24, 1984, to speak out against the law on the inclusion of private schools (mostly Catholic) in the general public education system. From the end of 2012 to May 2013, three thousands of peaceful demonstrations in support of the family took place in Paris. The government reacted to them as if it were dealing with acts of violence: the police used tear gas and physical force against these peaceful gatherings of people. Thousands of demonstrators were detained and arrested.
US law places family law under the jurisdiction of the states, so the issue of legalizing same-sex unions in the US is entirely up to the state governments. The 1996 Federal Protection of Marriage Act defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman and allows states to deny same-sex unions in other states or states. On June 26, 2013, the US Supreme Court ruled that the third part of the Marriage Protection Act was unconstitutional, which means that same-sex unions are recognized by the US federal government. As of October 21, 2013, same-sex unions are registered as marriages in fourteen out of fifty states and the District of Columbia. Another six states have legalized other forms of same-sex unions, the rights of which vary from state to state. At the moment, same-sex cohabitants are raising about 2 million children, mainly from previous heterosexual marriages.
The Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe adopted in the summer of 2013 a resolution on the report “Overcoming Discrimination Based on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity” calling on politicians and other public figures “to establish relations of dialogue and trust with LGBT communities also through participation in gay pride parades”, “ refrain from homophobic and transphobic speeches and publicly condemn them. " PACE condemned unanimously approved by the State Duma Russian Federation the bill "On the promotion of non-traditional sexual relations among minors", which entered into force on June 30, 2013 after it was signed by the President of Russia. This law, designed to protect children from homosexual propaganda, is necessary measure aimed at maintaining a balance in society, since on the example of Europe we see that there is a real threat of diktat in the field of norms of sexual behavior and gender identity.
It is often said that the allegedly non-traditional sexual orientation is genetically determined. This thesis remains controversial, because the scientific community has not come to a consensus regarding the biological or social determinism of sexual orientation. However, the Christian approach distinguishes sexual orientation from specific forms of sexual behavior that are contrary to biblical ethics. Moral values lie on a different plane than scientific hypotheses: the attitude towards a particular way of life and behavior should be formed precisely by the values that a person shares, but not by the scientific justification of the given subject. For example, there is an opinion of scientists that the so-called dissocial personality disorder, characterized by ignorance of social norms, impulsivity, aggressiveness, is of a genetic nature. Nevertheless, the scientific substantiation of the biological determinism of the asocial behavior of an individual cannot serve as a guide for the recognition by society of the behavior of such an individual as morally acceptable.
From a Christian point of view, human nature is fallen, prone to sin. Human attraction to persons of the same sex is viewed from a Christian perspective as a disease requiring healing. The Church approaches people of non-traditional sexual orientation with a pastoral responsibility, having at their disposal a rich arsenal of means for spiritual assistance to such people. But she is strongly opposed to making sinful behavior the norm. In this understanding, Orthodox and Catholics are united, based on the testimony of Holy Scripture, which does not recognize any other forms of marriage, except for the union of love between a man and a woman.
In recent years, there has been a purposeful dismantling of values rooted in the Christian tradition in Europe. This is not only about the expulsion of Christian symbols from public space, about the ban on Christian holidays, about the desire to drive religion into the ghetto, declare it a purely private matter. It is about the destruction of the value system, on which the life of all civilized mankind has been built over the centuries. One of these fundamental values, the meaning of which has been completely rethought today, is the family.
Various forms of exploitation of human sexuality are now legalized by the "civilization of consumption" and have an influential lobby in parliamentary and government structures in many countries of the world. "Sexual freedom" leads to the enslavement of man by animal instincts, and we are going through the times of the legalization of instinct totalitarianism. Pornography has become one of the most lucrative businesses. According to experts, at least two million minors are involved in the production of pornographic products.
Before our eyes, such fundamental values of human existence as truth, freedom, brotherhood, are reduced to the level of relative concepts, into which everyone can put any content they want. At a vanity fair, it is moral values that are most rapidly devalued. And the tragic irony is that as a result of a general revaluation, not only the values established by God are devalued, but also the person himself.
The legislation of many Western countries today supports the forces that are destroying the traditional family, perhaps not least because the spiritual well-being of a person in the bosom of the family eludes the control of external forces. For the same reason, instead of maintaining culture and improving the quality of education, preference is given to development social networks and the entertainment industry. Globalization is aimed, first of all, at lowering the cultural level of a person and at ensuring that, in the process of social mutations, entire peoples turn into a single-faced mass of consumers. The stereotypes of mass culture and fashion clone a type of consciousness in which there is no room for either the ideals of the family or for genuine spiritual values.
Against the background of an unprecedented revival of religious life taking place in a number of Eastern European countries, we see how in the West, with outward prosperity, society is rapidly de-Christianized, churches are emptying, priests are aging, and young people are not coming to replace them. But God is not mocked (Gal. 6: 7). The very presence of Christians in the world testifies to the fact that the voice of God's truth is stronger than godless propaganda. And this voice remains in demand. In modern society, the Church is the only social institution that is not subject to crisis, does not lose people's trust, because it builds its existence on the basis of brotherly love and selfless service to people. Christians who in spite of all temptations modern world remain convinced believers, they know what they live for. This is a huge privilege. And every Christian who fulfills the Gospel commandment of love testifies to God by the very way of his life, the qualities of his personality, the foundations of his life.
Many young people think about the place of marriage in their own lives and want to create a full-fledged family. They need an antidote to the propaganda of depravity, a firm and consistent guide to a healthy family life. And they are looking for role models. If they do not find them in the Church, in Christian families, they will not find them anywhere else.
In this situation, our responsibility is very great. Young people need to be encouraged to follow the biblical ideals of marriage and family. This must be done by all available means - through preaching in churches, through appearances in the media, through works of art, through school curricula and the education system as a whole. For all of us, Orthodox and Catholics, the time has come to stand together to defend the family and by common efforts to resist the pernicious influences of moral relativism in the word of truth, in the power of God, with the weapon of truth in our right and left hand (2 Cor. 6: 7).
Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk: Following their political interests, many foreign officials prefer to remain silent about the persecution of the Ukrainian Orthodox Church [Interview]
Representative of the Patriarchal Commission on Family, Motherhood and Childhood Protection made a presentation at parliamentary hearings in the Federation Council
DECR Secretary for Far Abroad Affairs attended a reception at the Estonian Embassy and welcomed the President of Estonia
Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk received a delegation of the Kirche-in-Not Foundation
In recent decades, in connection with the aggravated demographic crisis in wide circles of the public, heated debates have unfolded about what the institution of the family should be, what its problems and prospects are. One of the most active participants in this dialogue is the Russian Orthodox Church, which represents a religious vision of the contemporary problem of family and marriage. Throughout history, the Orthodox Church knows two main types of Christian human life: monasticism and marriage. Traditional Orthodox theology gives the greatest preference to monasticism.
In his opinion, monasticism serves as a vivid expression of the gospel spirit of life. It is "a completely finished, integral type of Christian life." Monastic life is based on the Christian idea of a person's complete dedication to God and the need for high spiritual sacrifice in order to become familiar with a higher, perfect way of life. Unlike the life of the average Christian, which aims at achieving salvation for "eternal life" from an eschatological perspective, "the aim of monastic residence is not only to attain salvation, but primarily to attain Christian perfection."
Achievement of Christian perfection is coupled with ascetic deed - certain spiritual efforts and sacrificial limitation from earthly goods and conditions that can distract a person from the sphere of transcendental existence. A less gracious but righteous type of Christian life is marriage. According to Orthodox theology, “Marriage is a sacrament in which, with a free promise before the priest and the church of their mutual marital fidelity, their conjugal union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church and the grace of pure unanimity is asked for them, for a blessed birth and Christianity. upbringing of children ".
Orthodox theology says that the marriage union of a man and a woman was established by the Creator in paradise. After the creation of the first people, God blessed their union with the words: "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it ..." (Gen. 1:28). At the same time, the marriage union is considered not only as a bodily one, but, first of all, as a spiritual one: the union of two souls, making up, as it were, one soul, one life, one being. " The conjugal union has two purposes:
1. The completeness of the spiritual and material life of a person. “So that, living in close and indissoluble union, the spouses work more successfully for their spiritual perfection, happiness on earth and salvation in heaven”. 2. The birth and Christian upbringing of children “for the multiplication of the kingdom of God, that is, the community of those who believe in Christ and who are saved through Him. " Orthodox theology gives the union of a man and a woman a sacred meaning, elevating it to the rank of a sacrament. Marriage as a sacrament is understood in both broad and narrow senses. In a broad sense, the sacrament refers to the very union of a man and a woman.
According to Bishop Hilarion of Vienna and Austria: “Marriage as a sacrament is when two people are united to each other so fully, deeply and inseparably and for all subsequent eternity. " In a narrow sense, the sacrament of marriage is understood as the church ceremony of the wedding of the newlyweds. It is believed that the life of the spouses begins with this ceremony. The condition for marriage as a sacrament is: - Free choice of a spouse. - Mutual love. - Blessing of parents. If the marriage does not conform to the established Christian norms, it is considered as cohabitation. “Marriage as cohabitation means that at some point fate brought two people together, but between them there is no that community, that unity that is necessary for marriage to become a sacrament. Two people live - and each has its own life, its own interests.
They would have divorced long ago, but life circumstances force them to stay together. " The Church says that such a marriage does not have the qualities that a Christian marriage should have. At the same time, a marriage that began as cohabitation can acquire a new quality and become a mysterious marriage, “if spouses perceive marriage as an opportunity to grow into a new unity, enter another dimension, overcome their selfishness and isolation”. Considering the union of a man and a woman as a sacrament, Orthodox theology speaks of the indissolubility of marriage. According to the priest A. Rozhestvensky, “The indissolubility of marriage, indicated by God, should show people that their marriage union cannot be limited to one feeling and an accidental convergence of the sexes, in the likeness of the rapprochement of unreasonable animals, but should be based on moral communication of people in the unity of love and mutual assistance to achieve higher goals of life ". The improvement of the Christian family is based on strict hierarchy.
Orthodox theology says that, having created a person as bisexual, the Creator laid in his nature not only physiological, but also spiritual and moral differences between the sexes: the husband is the head and leader for his wife and children; a wife is an equal in dignity to a husband. Any violation of this, originally inherent in human nature, the moral algorithm of human behavior, inevitably leads to a conflict of the sexes and the destruction of the harmony of the marriage union. The Holy Scripture repeatedly speaks of the strict hierarchical structure of the family: “To every husband is the head of Christ; and the husband is the head of the wife ”(1 Cor. 11: 3); “Husbands, love your wives and be hard on them” (Col. 3:19); "Wives, obey your husbands, as the Lord ... as the Church obeys Christ, so wives obey their husbands in everything" (Eph. 5:22, 24) and others. Orthodox theology claims that true hierarchy is necessarily based on mutual love and by no means is not an abuse of the will of the other spouse. Just as a naturally free Church out of love for God freely follows the divine will, so a naturally free spouse lovingly directs or fulfills the will of the other spouse. "House church" (Rom. 16.4; 1 Cor. 16.19; Col. 4.15), called by its existence to increase the harmony of the world established by God.
The ideal model of family and marriage existing in the church consciousness, in practice, has been systematically deformed by the conditions of socio-economic and cultural reality. More or less, it retained its Christian significance only in the condition of a patriarchal way of life. But in the conditions of bourgeois society, the spiritual basis of the family began to undergo "moral ailments." Stating this fact, the famous Orthodox missionary, Metropolitan Makarii (M. Nevsky) said: “And what about family life? How far it is from Christian principles: love, respect, obedience, marital fidelity! How many so-called happy marriages do we have? How many spouses separated by infidelity to one another or by obstinacy of characters! How many extramarital cohabitations have not received the church blessing! " ... The socialist society did not contribute to the strengthening of the institution of the family.
Having officially proclaimed the family the "cell" of socialist society, the dominant politic system finally destroyed the hierarchical structure of the family and deprived it of its religious spiritual and moral content. Having received equal economic and political rights with a man, a woman was included in the system of socio-economic relations without fail. In this situation, only a few families could remain large. The psychology of family members has also changed. An economically independent woman stopped looking at her husband as the “breadwinner” of the family and the “owner” of family property. Having lost his economic superiority in the family, a small man has turned from the leader of a patriarchal collective into an ordinary family member. Leadership abilities inherent in the psychology of men have become partially or completely not in demand in the conditions of a family team.
Cases of unrealized male leadership in the family and work collective began to create fertile ground for the manifestation of social vices: drunkenness, irresponsibility, etc. The "family hearth" has become a "lodging place" for all family members who live most of their time. personal life and not connected with each other by a single deed or a single interest. Today, many Orthodox believers tend to see the reasons for the crisis in the family in the change in the consciousness of society that took place during the Soviet period of Russian history and the prevailing modern secular culture. For example, priest Maxim Obukhov, head of the Orthodox medical education center Life, says: "In the Soviet Union, all conditions were created to free a woman from raising children and load her with socially useful work instead." In his opinion, this has led to a decrease in the "parental instinct" among modern youth. “A child brought up without a mother, as it turned out, grows up himself with a reduced parental instinct, and the separation of children from their parents for several generations has led to the emergence of young people who have no desire to have a child.
While retaining the physical ability to bear children, such young people turn out to be mentally unfit for either family life or parenting. They don't want to have children. The child is perceived as a destroyer of comfort, as a hindrance. " According to Orthodox theologians and clergy, contemporary threats to the institution of the family stem from the following sources: 1. Active involvement of women in social life and the labor process. Resulting in a large number of women do not have the opportunity to pay due attention to the family.
2. Activities of international and domestic organizations dealing with the problems of sexuality education and family planning. According to many Orthodox believers, under the guise of the interests of children and the protection of their rights, minors are being “sexualized”. 3. The alienation of the family from religion and religious education. According to the church position, a family that is completely alienated from religion cannot give its children a correct spiritual and moral upbringing.
4. In juvenile justice. In the opinion of Orthodox believers, in this sphere of jurisprudence that is new to our society, there are dangerous tendencies: "the rights of the child are considered in isolation from the rights of parents, often contradicting them." That "is definitely aimed at destroying the family, at the separation of the bond between parents and children."
5. In a new world order. Openness of Russian society to Western influence and anti-Christian culture. The Russian Orthodox Church proposes to return to the Christian foundations of marriage and consider the family as a “small church”, and marriage as a daily religious feat based on love for God. According to the Church, the basic norms of Christian marriage should be as follows: “First, marriage is accomplished by the free election of those entering into it. Secondly, it is a lifelong union between husband and wife. Third, spouses must be loyal to each other. Fourth, premarital chastity is a condition of Christian marriage. Fifth, procreation is the sacred task of the spouses. Finally, the family is a small church with a husband at its head. " In addition to this, the modern Russian Orthodox Church speaks of two more necessary conditions for marriage: First, marriage must be legal, it must satisfy the laws that are in force in real life specific society. Second, the marriage must be ecclesiastical. "The sacrament of marriage is unthinkable outside the Church; It can be valid only when it is performed by the Church within the Church, for members of the Church."
It is easy to see that the conditions offered by the Russian Orthodox Church to those entering into a marriage are called upon: first, to contribute to the formation of a morally healthy and law-abiding family; second, to integrate the newly formed social structure with the church organism as much as possible, to make it an organic part of the church parish. Expressing this tendency, the clergy of the Russian Orthodox Church systematically remind: "The family, as a small Church, is a cell of the Ecumenical Church, therefore it is important that it live the church life, participate in the life of the parish and be directly connected with it."
Recognizing the great importance of family and marriage in the life of a person and society, the Russian Orthodox Church, as before, is a conductor of the idea of the indissolubility of the marriage union. However, realizing well that the absolute implementation of this idea is impossible, the Church recognizes the dissolution of a church marriage on some grounds (adultery or the entry of one of the parties into a new marriage, “the falling away of a spouse from Orthodoxy, unnatural vices, inability to coexist with marriage, which occurred before marriage or as a result of intentional self-mutilation, etc.). Changes in attitudes towards women are also indicative. In the modern Russian Orthodox Church, women make up a noticeable majority of church parishes.
The social state of the entire Church largely depends on their religious activity. Considering the importance of the civil and religious service of women, His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Russia says: “Today an Orthodox Christian woman should take an active social position, acting as the guardian of Christian moral values in the family and in society. In addition to calling as a wife and mother, Christian women should recognize themselves as full members of civil society, responsible for the fate of the country. " It should be noted, and some liberalization in relation to the family hierarchy. Taking into account the objective impossibility of maintaining a strict hierarchy in modern families, the Russian Orthodox Church, together with other Christian denominations, formulates the concept of a family that is more understandable for modern public consciousness. "A family in the Christian sense is a community of individuals who recognize God as the center of their lives and are united by love, capable of building harmonious relationships with each other, society and the state."
Analyzing the Orthodox Christian approach to the problem of family and marriage, it can be noted that the implementation of the religious model of family and marriage relations in full in modern society is hardly feasible for a number of reasons: First, the way of life has changed and become habitual for many people. Secondly, the dominant influence on the public consciousness of a secular culture, in many respects alien to Christian ideas about family and marriage. Third, the weak religiosity of the majority of people both in our country and abroad. However, the widespread propaganda of Christian ideas about family and marriage can have a positive impact on improving the quality of family and marriage relations.
Literature
1. Nazarov, N. Orthodox Russian monasticism. - SPb., 1907.
2. Ignatius (Brianchaninov), bishop. Ascetic experiences // Creations in 5 volumes, St. Petersburg, 1886. - T. 1.
3. Philaret, saint. How to create an Orthodox family // Instructions of the Metropolitan of Moscow to Christians living in the world [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.wco.ru/ biblio / tema09 / htm.
4. Rozhdestvensky, A. Family of an Orthodox Christian [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.vco.ru/ biblio / books / family1 / H1T.htm.
5. Hilarion, bishop. Marriage and monasticism in the Orthodox tradition [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.wco.ru/ biblio / books / alfeev18 / HOO-T.htm.
6. Macarius, Metropolitan. Conversation on the day of the great martyr and healer Panteleimon / Metropolitan Macarius // Words, conversations and teachings, on holidays and Sundays Macarius, Metropolitan of Moscow and Kolomna. - Sergiev Posad, 1914.
7. Obukhov, M. The reason for the decline in fertility - spiritual crisis in society [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.zawet.ru/ rapsobuhov1.htm.
9. Vorobiev, V. Orthodox family and life of the parish [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http: // www.pravoslavie.ru/ jumal / 462.htm.
10. Foundations of the social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church // Church and time. - 2000. - No. 4. - S. 7-122.
11. From the speech of His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Russia at the opening of the I Forum of Orthodox Women // Journal of the Moscow Patriarchate. - 2010. - No. 1. - P. 12.
12. "The Christian family is a 'small church' and the foundation of a healthy society." The final document of the plenary meeting of the Christian Interfaith Consultative Committee of the CIS and Baltic countries (Moscow, February 4, 2010) [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.religare.ru/ 2_72523.html. - Date of access: 01.03.2012.
THE SACRAMENT OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
Marriage is a sacrament in which, with a free promise, before the priest and the Church, by the bridegroom and the bride of mutual marital fidelity, their marital union is blessed, in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church, and the grace of pure unanimity for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children is asked for them.
(Orthodox catechism)
Christian marriage is a life-long union of a man and a woman, sanctified by the Church, voluntary and based on mutual love.
This is not just an image, custom or tradition, but a Sacrament, in which spouses from God through priests receive special grace-filled power and the ability to preserve love, marital fidelity, and patience. And many know from their own experience that the actual human strength is not enough for this.
Of course, the Sacrament is not, so to speak, an automatic guarantee. A sincere desire is required from a person, an intention coming from the heart to deify his marriage, to live a good life ...
Marriage is enlightenment and, at the same time, a mystery. In it there is a transformation of a person, an expansion of his personality. A person acquires a new vision, a new sense of life, is born into the world in a new fullness. Only in Marriage is it possible to fully cognize a person, to see another person. This knowledge and life gives that feeling of complete completeness and satisfaction, which makes us richer and wiser.
The all-good God created from the dust of the earthly man and, having endowed him with the eternal breath of life, made him the ruler over the earthly creation. According to His all-good design, the Lord created from Adam's rib his wife, Eve, so that she would be his helper and that they, being two, would make one flesh (Gen. 2.18, 21-24).
And God blessed them, and God said to them: be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it, and rule over all creatures (Gen. 1:28). And they dwelt in Eden until the Fall, when, having transgressed the commandment, seduced by the wicked tempter, they were expelled from Paradise. By the good judgment of the Creator, Eve became a companion on the arduous earthly path of Adam, and through her painful childbirth, she became the foremother of the human race. The first human couple, having received from God the promise of the Redeemer of mankind and the Destroyer of the head of the enemy (Genesis 3:15), was also the first keeper of the saving tradition, which then, in the offspring of Seth, passed a life-giving mysterious stream from generation to generation, indicating the expected coming Savior.
The Lord Jesus Christ, who came to earth, among other things, in order to revive the moral principles established by God in human society, also took care of the restoration of the marriage union. By His presence at the marriage in Cana of Galilee, the Lord blessed and sanctified the marriage and it was there that He performed His first miracle.
A little later, the Lord explains to the Jews the true meaning of marriage. Referring to the words of Scripture about the union of husband and wife, the Lord in the most decisive form confirms the fundamental indissolubility of marriage, saying: “So they (husband and wife) are no longer two, but one flesh. So what God has combined, let not man separate! " The Sadducees continue to ask the Savior: “How did Moses command to give a letter of divorce and divorce her? "To which the Lord answers them like this:" Moses, out of your hardness of heart, allowed you to divorce your wives, but at first it was not so; but I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, not for adultery, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery ”(Matthew 19: 3-9). In other words, a person, having entered into marriage, is obliged to remain in it. Violation of marital fidelity is a violation of the will of God and therefore a grave sin.
Marriage is a great shrine and a saving state of human life with the right attitude towards it. Marriage is the foundation of the family. The family is the little Church of Christ. The family is the meaning and purpose of marriage. The modern fear of the family, the fear of having children, is a consequence of cowardice, a source of dissatisfaction and longing in marriage. The Christian upbringing of children constitutes the task and joy of the family, gives meaning and justification to marriage.
But even with the childlessness of the spouses, marriage does not lose its meaning, making it easier for the spouses, with mutual love and mutual help, to walk the path of Christian life. The Apostle Peter in his First Epistle instructs wives to imitate the lives of ancient righteous wives, to be an example of meekness; he instructs husbands to treat their wives with prudence, as with a weak vessel, honoring them as joint heirs of a grace-filled life (1 Pet. 3: 7).
The apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians writes about marriage vows:
“For those who marry, I do not command, but the Lord: a wife should not divorce her husband - if she divorces, then she must remain celibate, or be reconciled with her husband, and the husband should not leave his wife. But to the others I say, and not the Lord: if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she agrees to live with him, then he must not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband and he agrees to live with her should not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband. Otherwise your children would have been unclean, but now they are holy ”(1 Cor. 7-14).
The secret of the happiness of Christian spouses lies in the joint fulfillment of the will of God, which unites their souls with each other and with Christ. At the heart of this happiness is striving for the highest, common object of love for them - Christ - who attracts everything to itself (John 12, 32). Then the whole family life will be directed towards Him, and the union of those who have been combined will be strengthened. And without love for the Savior, no connection is strong, for neither mutual attraction, nor common tastes, nor common earthly interests not only contain a true and lasting connection, but, on the contrary, often all these values suddenly begin to serve as separation. The Christian marriage union has the deepest spiritual foundation, which neither bodily intercourse possesses, for the body is subject to disease and aging, nor the life of the senses, which is changeable in nature, nor community in the field of common worldly interests and activities, "for the image of this world passes away" (1 Cor. 7:31). The life of a Christian married couple can be likened to the rotation of the Earth with its constant satellite, the Moon, around the Sun. Christ is the Sun of righteousness, warming His children and shining for them in darkness.
“Glorious is the yoke of two believers,” says Tertullian, “who have the same hope, live according to the same rules, serving the One Lord. Together they pray, fast together, teach and admonish one another. Together they are in the Church, together at the Lord's Supper, together in sorrow and persecution, in repentance and joy. They are pleasing to Christ, and He sends down His peace to them. And where there are two in His name, there is no place for any evil. "
In the sacrament of marriage, the bride and groom, united by love and mutual consent, receive the grace of God, sanctifying their marriage union in the image of Christ's union with the Church for marital happiness, for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children. Through this grace, marriage is made upright and the matrimonial bed undefiled (Heb. 13: 4). As a sign of the sanctity of marriage, lighted candles are given to the bride and groom. Taken from St. of the throne, the rings are placed on the hands of the spouses as a sign of their mutual consent; the integrity of their lives is crowned three times with church crowns: “Lord our God! crown them with glory and honor. " In memory of the first miracle performed by the Lord Jesus Christ at the marriage in Cana of Galilee, it is given for the spouses to drink wine from one cup three times, so that they, in the image of this, share joy and sorrow among themselves, and carry the cross of life together. Finally, three times in the name of the Most Holy Trinity, the spouses are circled around the analogion in the “image of a circle”, thereby signifying the indissolubility, eternity of the marriage union, since the circle means eternity: “what God has combined, let man not part” (Matthew 19: 6), which is also hindered by the sanctity of the marriage union, since the husband unites with his wife as indissolubly, subject to the faithfulness of the spouses, as Christ is with the Church (Eph. 5: 23-25), therefore St. ap. Paul also calls marriage "a great mystery" (Eph. 5:32), therefore, on the other hand, according to the word of the Lord (Matthew 19, 9), adultery is the basis for divorce, because through the unfaithfulness of one of the spouses, the sanctity of marriage is violated, it defiled and difficult to restore its strength, as in a vessel once broken.
THE HISTORY OF THE MARRIAGE
The marriage ceremony has its own ancient history... Even in the patriarchal period, marriage was considered a special institution, but little is known about the marriage rites of that time. From the history of Isaac's marriage to Rebekah, we know that he offered gifts to his bride, that Eleazar consulted with Rebekah's father regarding her marriage, and then a wedding feast was arranged. In later times in Israel's history, marriage ceremonies developed significantly. Adhering to the patriarchal custom, the groom, in the presence of strangers, had to first of all offer the bride a gift, usually consisting of silver coins. Then they proceeded to conclude a marriage contract, which determined the mutual obligations of the future husband and wife. At the end of these preliminary acts, a solemn blessing of the spouses followed. For this, a special tent was set up under open air: the bridegroom came here, accompanied by several men, whom the Evangelist Luke calls "sons of marriage", and the Evangelist John - "the friends of the bridegroom." The bride was accompanied by women. Here they were greeted with a greeting: "Blessed be everyone who comes here!" Then the bride was circled three times around the groom and placed on the right side of him. The women covered the bride with a thick veil. Then all present turned to the east; the groom took the bride's hands and they received ritual wishes from the guests. The rabbi came, covered the bride with a sacred veil, took a cup of wine in his hand and pronounced the formula of the marriage blessing.
The bride and groom drank from this cup. After that, the groom took the gold ring and put it on the bride's index finger himself, saying: "Remember that you were united with me according to the law of Moses." Then the marriage contract was read in the presence of witnesses and the rabbi, who, holding another cup of wine in his hands, pronounced seven blessings. The newlyweds drank wine from this cup again. At the same time, the groom broke the first bowl, which he had previously held in his hand, against the wall, if the bride was a girl, or on the ground, if she was a widow. This ceremony was supposed to remind of the destruction of Jerusalem. After that, the tent in which the wedding ceremony took place was removed and the wedding feast began - the wedding. The feast lasted seven days to commemorate the fact that Laban had once made Jacob work in his house for seven years for Leah and seven years for Rachel. During this seven-day period, the groom had to give the dowry to the bride and thus fulfill the prenuptial agreement.
When comparing the ancient marriage rite with the Christian one, a number of similar points are striking, but the main thing is that in the Christian rite of Marriage, there are constant references to the Old Testament righteous men and prophets: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Moses and Zipporah. Apparently, the compiler of the Christian rite was faced with the image of the Old Testament Marriage. Another influence that the Christian marriage ceremony has undergone in the process of formation has its origins in the Greco-Roman tradition. In Christianity, Marriage has been blessed since apostolic times. Church writer III century. Tertulian says: "How to portray the happiness of a Marriage approved by the Church, sanctified by her prayers, blessed by God!"
The marriage ceremony in ancient times was preceded by betrothal, which was a civil act and was performed according to local customs and regulations, as far as, of course, it was possible for Christians. The betrothal was performed solemnly in the presence of many witnesses who sealed the marriage contract. The latter was official document, which determined the property and legal relationship of spouses. The betrothal was accompanied by the ceremony of joining the hands of the groom and the bride, in addition, the groom gave the bride a ring made of iron, silver or gold, depending on the wealth of the groom. Clement, Bishop of Alexandria, in chapter II of his "Educator" says: "A man should give a woman a gold ring, not for her external adornment, but in order to put a seal on the household, which since then passes into her possession and entrusted to her care." ...
The expression "to put a seal" is explained by the fact that in those days the ring (ring), or rather set in its stone with a carved emblem, served at the same time as a seal, which sealed the property of the person and fastened business papers. Christians carved a seal on their rings depicting a fish, an anchor, a bird, and other Christian symbols.
The wedding ring was usually worn on the fourth (ring) finger of the left hand. This has a basis in the anatomy of the human body: one of the finest nerves of this finger is in direct contact with the heart, at least at the level of ideas of that time.
By the X-XI centuries. the betrothal loses its civic significance, and this rite is performed already in the church, accompanied by appropriate prayers. But for a long time, the betrothal was performed separately from the wedding and was combined with the study of Matins. The final uniformity of the betrothal rank was received only by the 17th century.
The rite of the wedding itself - the wedding - in ancient times was performed through prayer, blessing and the laying on of the bishop in the church during the liturgy. Evidence that marriage was introduced in ancient times in the rite of the liturgy is the presence of a number of coinciding constituent elements in both modern ranks: the initial exclamation “Blessed be the Kingdom ...” peaceful litany, reading of the Apostle and the Gospel, augmented litany, singing “Our Father ... " and; finally, the communication of the chalice. All these elements are obviously taken from the rite of the Liturgy and are closest in their structure to the rite of the Liturgy of the First-Consecrated Gifts.
In the 4th century, wedding crowns, placed on the heads of the spouses, came into use. In the West, they were matched with nuptial covers. At first, these were wreaths of flowers, later they began to be made of metal, giving them the shape of a royal crown. They mark the victory over the passions and remind of the royal dignity of the first human couple - Adam and Eve, - to whom the Lord gave possession of all earthly creation: "... fill the earth, and possess it ..." (Gen. 1 , 28).
OVERALL GOALS OF MARRIAGE
The first and main goal of marriage is the complete and indivisible mutual devotion and communication of two married persons: it is not good for a man to be alone (Genesis 2:18) and a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and you will both be one flesh (Matt . 19, 5). The absence in the life of the spouses of the unity of spiritual and moral goals is the main and main reason for unhappy marriages.
According to the thought of Saint Cyprian of Carthage, a husband and wife receive the fullness and integrity of their being in spiritual, moral and physical unity and mutual replenishment of one person with the other, which is achieved in marriage when a man and a woman really become one inseparable person and find mutual support in each other and replenishment.
The second purpose of marriage, to which the Holy Scriptures, the Holy Fathers and the Church in their prayers of the wedding ceremony indicate, is the birth and Christian upbringing of children. And the Church blesses marriage as a union, the purpose of which is procreation, asking for "kindness" and "grace for children" in prayers.
Marriage in Christianity, according to the teachings of St. Gregory the Theologian, is good when it combines with the desire to leave behind children, because through this the Church of Christ is replenished, the number of those who please God multiplies. When he is based only on the desire to satisfy carnal lust, then "he kindles the rough (and insatiable) flesh, throws thorns over it and makes it seem like a path to vice."
Another purpose of marriage is to prevent debauchery and to maintain chastity. The Apostle Paul says: “in order to avoid fornication, everyone should have his own wife, and each should have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7: 2). It is good, he says, to be celibate, for the sake of undivided service to the Lord, “but if they cannot abstain, let them marry, rather than kindle” (1 Cor. 7: 7-9) and fall into debauchery.
There have always been condemners of marriage, who saw in it filth, impurity, an obstacle to a virtuous life. Sanctifying Christian marriage with her blessing, putting on “crowns of glory and honor” on the bridegroom, the Church has always condemned those who condemn marital relations. Legal marriage and birth are honest and unscrupulous, for the difference of sexes was formed in Adam and Eve for the reproduction of the human race. Marriage is "the gift of God and the root of our being."
“If marriage and raising children were an obstacle to virtue,” says Chrysostom, “then the creator would not have introduced marriage into our lives. But since marriage not only does not hinder us in a godly life ... but also provides us with a great aid to taming the ardent nature ... that is why God gave such consolation to the human race. "
CHURCH-CANONIC OBSTACLES TO MARRIAGE
AND NECESSARY RULES FOR WEDDING
Before having a wedding, one should, together with the priest, find out if there are any church-canonical obstacles to the conclusion of an ecclesiastical marriage between these persons. First of all, it should be noted that the Orthodox Church, although it considers civil marriage to be devoid of grace, in fact recognizes it and does not at all consider it illegal fornication. However, the conditions for contracting a marriage, established by civil law and church canons, have significant differences, therefore not every civil marriage registered at the registry office can be consecrated in the sacrament of Marriage.
Thus, the fourth and fifth marriages allowed by civil law are not blessed by the Church. The Church does not allow marriage more than three times; it is prohibited for persons who are in close degrees of kinship to marry. The church does not bless a marriage if one of the spouses (or both) declare themselves to be convinced atheists who have come to church only at the insistence of one of the spouses or parents, if at least one of the spouses is unbaptized and is not ready to be baptized before the wedding. All these circumstances are clarified when drawing up documents for a wedding behind a church box, and, in the cases listed above, he refuses to take part in a church marriage.
First of all, you cannot get married if one of the spouses is actually married to another person. A civil marriage must be dissolved in accordance with the established procedure, and if the previous marriage was a church marriage, then the bishop's permission to dissolve it and a blessing to enter into a new marriage is required.
An obstacle to marriage is also the consanguinity of the bride and groom, as well as the spiritual relationship acquired! through baptismal acceptance.
There are two types of kinship: consanguinity and "property", that is, kinship between relatives of two spouses. Blood relationship exists between persons with a common ancestor: between parents and children, grandfather and granddaughter, between cousins and second cousins, uncles and nieces (first and second cousins), etc.
The property exists between persons who do not have a common, sufficiently close ancestor, but become related through marriage. A distinction should be made between the two-blood property, or two-blood property, established through one marriage, and the three-blood property, or three-blood property, which is established in the presence of two marriage unions. The two-kin property contains the husband's relatives with the wife's relatives. In a three-kinship property there are relatives of the wife of one brother and relatives of the wife of another brother, or relatives of the first and second wife of one man.
In the case of consanguinity, church marriage is unconditionally prohibited up to the fourth degree of kinship inclusive, with the property of two-kin - up to the third degree, with a three-kinship property, marriage is not permitted if the spouses are in the first degree of such kinship.
Spiritual kinship exists between the godfather and his godson and between the godmother and her goddaughter, as well as between the parents of the received from the font and the recipient of the same sex as the perceived (nepotism). Since according to the canons, baptism requires one recipient of the same sex as the one being baptized, the second recipient is a tribute to tradition and, therefore, there are no canonical obstacles to the conclusion of a Church Marriage between the recipients of one infant. Strictly speaking, for the same reason, there is no spiritual relationship between the godfather and his goddaughter and between the godmother and her godson. However, a pious custom prohibits such marriages, therefore, in order to avoid temptation, in this case, one should seek special instructions from the ruling bishop.
The bishop's permission is also required for the wedding of an Orthodox person with a person of another Christian denomination (Catholic, Baptist). Of course, Marriage does not get married if at least one of the spouses professes a non-Christian religion (Islam, Judaism, Buddhism). However, a marriage contracted according to a non-Orthodox rite and even a non-Christian one, concluded before the spouses joined the Orthodox Church, can be considered valid at the request of the spouses, even if only one of the spouses was baptized. During the conversion to Christianity of both spouses, whose marriage was concluded according to a non-Christian rite, the sacrament of Marriage is not necessary, since the grace of Baptism also sanctifies their marriage.
You cannot marry someone who once bound himself with the monastic vow of virginity, as well as priests and deacons after their ordination.
Marriages are not performed on the following days: from Meat Week (a week before Lent) to Fomin Sunday (a week after Easter), during Petrov, Dormition and Nativity Lent, on the eve of Wednesdays, Fridays and the Beheading of John the Baptist, on Saturdays, on the eve of the twelve and great holidays and the twelve-eighth holidays. According to the Pilots, anyone entering a Marriage must know the confession of faith, i.e. The symbol of faith, the Lord's prayer "Our Father ...", "Virgin Mary, rejoice ...", ten Commandments of God and the Commandments of Beatitude. Those who do not know the law of God and the most needed members of the faith should not be crowned until they learn. The priest must, must ask the bride and groom if they know all this: because it is shameful and sinful to enter into Marriage and want to be a father and mother as a child, and not know what to teach and educate them in later.
Thus, if it turns out that the groom or bride does not know the basic and main truths of the Orthodox faith, does not even know the necessary daily prayers, then their wedding should be postponed.
The drunk must not be crowned until they are drunk.
The bride and groom must begin marriage in the consciousness of its holiness, height and in the consciousness of the responsibility of the step taken for both of them and for posterity. And therefore, first of all, they should look for in each other, first of all, not external advantages, not the "environment" of life, for example, wealth, nobility, beauty, etc., but mainly internal advantages, which give an internal connection in married life and the basis happiness, which are: religiosity, kindness of heart, a serious mind, etc., for this, the bride and groom need to look closely at each other, get to know each other well; secondly, it is required by prayer and fasting to prepare for the great Mystery of marriage, to ask the Lord that He Himself, as His servant Tobiah, indicate a companion or companion in life.
Just before marriage, one should talk and commune of the Holy Mysteries.
Those under church penance can be married, since penance does not serve as an obstacle to entering into marriage. However, after cleansing their conscience in the sacrament of repentance, they should especially prepare themselves for the sacrament of Marriage and the communion of St. Mystery. To do this, they need to ask permission for communion from the Ruling Bishop; at the same time, the marriage does not serve as a basis for the withdrawal of the penance, and therefore those under it are obliged to continue to carry the penance imposed on them upon entering the marriage until the expiration of the period assigned to them.
The bride, who is in the period of postnatal cleansing and has not received the prayer, laid on the 40th day for the wife who gave birth, not only begin to St. sacraments (including marriage), but he cannot enter the temple either.
A wife who is in purification is not allowed to enter the church; all the more so one should not start the sacrament of Marriage, which should be postponed until the bride is cleansed.
The pregnant state of the bride cannot be an obstacle to marriage.
The cohabitation of a pregnant bride with the culprit of her pregnancy (as well as, in general, cohabitation of those entering into Marriage) does not in itself serve as an obstacle to Church Marriage; they only have to clear their conscience by repentance and register a civil marriage at the registry office.
CHURCH OFFICE OF WEDDING
The crowned people need rings (a ring is a sign of the eternity and continuity of the marriage union, for the grace of the Holy Spirit is continuous and eternal) and, if possible, then beautiful, deliberately prepared clothes for this day. But all the same, the main thing is spiritual clothes - their neatness and beauty. Both the bride and groom must prepare for the wedding in the Sacraments of Repentance (confession) and Communion, remember God in everything ...
“Not forgetting Him means trying to live according to His Divine and life-giving commandments, and in violation of them, because of our weakness, sincerely repent and immediately take care of correcting our mistakes and deviations from God's commandments” (St. Ambrose of Optina).
The church rite of marriage is divided into two parts: betrothal and wedding.
Read carefully, dear ones, carefully into the words of the prayers. Especially in order to facilitate understanding, they are presented here in modern Russian.
Engagement succession
The betrothal begins in the temple, near the front doors. The groom stands on the right side, the bride on the left. The groomsmen stand to the right of the groom, the groomsmen to the left of the bride. The priest blesses the bride and groom three times and gives them burning candles, which they keep until the end of the service. The candles symbolize the burning of their souls with faith and love for God.
The priest says: Blessed is our God always, now and ever, and forever and ever.
Chorus: Amen.
Deacon: Let us pray in peace to the Lord.
Chorus: Lord have mercy.
Deacon: For the servant of God (name) and the servant of God (name) who are now betrothed to each other and for their salvation to the Lord, let us pray.
Let us pray to the Lord that children be sent to them to continue the family line and that all their petitions for salvation be fulfilled.
That God would give them perfect and peaceful love, and grant them His help, let us pray to the Lord.
Let us pray to the Lord that God would preserve them to remain in like-mindedness and firm faithfulness to each other.
Let us pray to the Lord that God will preserve them in a blameless life.
That the Lord our God would grant them an honest marriage and an undefiled bed, let us pray to the Lord.
Let us pray to the Lord to get rid of all sorrow, anger and need.
Priest: For all glory, honor and worship of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever, befits Thee. Amen.
Prayer: Eternal God, who gathered together those in division and determined the indissoluble union of love, who blessed Isaac and Rebekah and made them the heirs of Your promise. You yourself, Master, bless your servants this (name) and this (name), instructing them in every good deed. Because You are a merciful and humane God, and we glorify You the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.
Priest: Peace to all.
Chorus: And perfume yours.
Deacon:
Chorus: To you, Lord.
Priest: O Lord our God, from the pagans who made the Church ready as a pure Virgin; bless this betrothal and unite and preserve these Thy servants in peace and like-mindedness. For all glory, honor and worship of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever, befits Thee. Amen.
* * *
A person is not loved for anything, but on the contrary, he can become a significant, wonderful person because he is loved. The second prayer of the betrothal order says that God chose the Church as a pure Virgin from among the pagans. If we think about it and imagine: who is this Church? Church - we are with you: I, and you, and all our friends; how can we say that God has chosen us as a pure virgin? We are all sinners, we all have shortcomings, we are all largely corrupted - how could God look at us and choose us as a pure virgin? The fact is that God looks at us, sees the possibility of beauty that is in us, sees in us what we can be, and for the sake of what He sees, He accepts us. And because we are loved, because a miracle happened to us: that someone in us saw not bad, but beautiful, not evil, but good, not ugly, but wonderful - we can begin to grow, grow out of amazement in front of this love, to grow out of amazement that this love shows us our own beauty, which we did not suspect. I'm talking, of course, not about that external, superficial beauty that we all boast of: facial features, intelligence, sensitivity, talent - no, about another beauty.
And so we need to remember that the only way to revive a person, the only way to give a person the opportunity to open up in fullness, is to love him.
* * *
Then the priest takes the groom's ring and, blessing him with the ring, says:
The servant of God (name) is betrothed to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
And he repeats the blessing and the words three times, then placing the ring on the groom's finger.
Then he takes the bride's ring and, blessing her, says:
The servant of God (name) is betrothed to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
And he repeats this three times, as with the groom.
Then the chief best man (receiver) exchanges rings for the bride and groom three times.
The exchange of rings symbolizes the voluntary conclusion of an alliance in which each party cedes some of its rights and assumes certain obligations.
The round shape of the ring means the indissolubility of the marriage union.
Prayer: O Lord our God! You were pleased to accompany to Mesopotamia the servant of the patriarch Abraham, who was sent to find a wife for Isaac, and who found Rebekah with a scoop of water (Gen. 24). Thou, Master, bless the betrothal of Thy servants this (name) and this (name). Secure their promise; confirm them with Thy holy union. Because You first created the male and female sex and by You are engaged to husband and wife to help each other and for the continuation of the human race. You Yourself, O Lord our God, have sent Your truth to Your inheritance and Your promises to Your servants, our fathers, - Your chosen ones from generation to generation. Look at Thy servant (name) and Thy servant (name), confirm their betrothal in faith, like-mindedness, truth and love.
For you yourself, Lord, were pleased that a pledge should be given, securing the promise in all works. Through the ring, power was given to Joseph in Egypt; Daniel became famous for the ring in the country of Babylon; with the ring the veracity of Tamar was revealed; With the ring our Heavenly Father showed mercy to His son, for He said: Put the ring on his hand and, having killed the well-fed calf, we will eat and be merry. Thy right hand, Lord, armed Moses in the Red Sea; By Thy Word of Truth, the heavens are established and the earth is founded, and the right hand of Thy servants is blessed by Thy sovereign Word and Thy high arm. Therefore, now, Vladyka, bless the laying on of these rings with heavenly blessings, and may the Angel of the Lord accompany them all the days of their lives.
Because You bless and sanctify everything and we glorify Thee to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever. Amen.
“Husbands,” says the Apostle Paul, “love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her ... whoever loves his wife loves himself (Ephesians 5: 25-28). Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the savior of the body ”(Ephesians 5: 22-33).
Wedding follow-up
After the prayer, the bride and groom follow the priest to the middle of the temple and both stand on the white plate, laid there in advance. The white dress symbolizes the moral purity that the relationship between husband and wife should be imbued with. As they walk in the direction of the wedding, the priest recites the following verses from Psalm 126:
Blessed are all who fear the Lord!
The chorus repeats many times: Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee.
Walking in His ways,
You will eat of the fruits of the labor of your hands,
You are blessed and it will be good for you,
Your wife is like a fertile vine in the camp of your fatherland,
Your sons are like newly planted olive trees around your meal,
Thus the man who fears the Lord will be blessed,
The Lord bless you from Zion, and you will see good Jerusalem in the days of your life,
And you will see your sons' sons.
The priest asks the groom: Do you (name) have a free and good desire and a firm intention to marry this (name), which you see in front of you here?
Groom: I have, honest father.
Priest to the groom: Didn't you promise another bride?
Groom:
Not promised, honest father.
The priest asks the bride: Do you have (name) a free and good desire and a firm intention to take this (name), whom you see here in front of you, as your husband?
Bride: I have, honest father.
Priest to the bride: Weren't you promised to another husband?
Bride: Not promised, honest father.
Priest: Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever.
Chorus: Amen.
Deacon: Let us pray in peace to the Lord.
Chorus: Lord have mercy (3 times).
Deacon: Let us pray to the Lord for the servants of God (name) and (name), now being combined with each other for marriage, and for their salvation.
Let us pray to the Lord about blessing this marriage, as we once did in Cana of Galilee.
Let us pray to the Lord to give them chastity and the fruit of the womb for their benefit.
Let us pray to the Lord that they would be granted parental happiness and a perfect life.
Let us pray to the Lord that everything necessary for salvation will be given to them and to us.
Let us pray to the Lord to get rid of them and us from all sorrow, anger and need.
Step in, save, have mercy and save us, God, with Your grace.
The Most Holy, Most Pure, Most Blessed, Glorious Lady Our Lady and the Ever Virgin Mary, having remembered all the saints, ourselves, and each other, and we will give our whole life to Christ God.
Chorus: To you, Lord.
Priest: Because all glory, honor and worship, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever, befits You. Amen.
Prayer: Most pure God, Creator and Creator of all creations! You transformed the rib of the forefather Adam, according to Your love for mankind, into a wife and, having blessed them, said: Be fruitful and multiply and rule the earth. And so, in the combination of the two, he revealed one body. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will be one flesh. And what God has connected, let man not part.
Thou didst bless Thy servant Abraham, and by opening the falsehood of Sarah, Thou didst make him the father of many nations. You gave Isaac to Rebekah and blessed him who was born by her. You combined Jacob Rachel and made twelve patriarchs from him. You united Joseph with Asenath and, as the fruit of the womb, gave them Ephraim and Manasseh. You accepted Zechariah and Elizabeth and made the one born by them the Forerunner of Your appearance. From the root of Jesse in the flesh you raised the Ever-Virgin, and from Her you were incarnate and born for the salvation of the human race. You, according to Your unspeakable gift and great goodness, came to Cana of Galilee and blessed the marriage there, in order to show that You are pleased with a legal marriage and the birth of children from it.
You Yourself, Most Holy Lord, accept the prayer of us, Your servants, and come here, as there, by Your invisible presence. Bless this marriage and send your servants (name) and (name) a peaceful life, longevity, chastity, love for each other in the union of peace, long-term offspring, consolation in children, a crown of unfading glory and honor them to see the children of their children. Save their bed from deception. And send them from the heavenly dew from above and from the fertility of the earth, fill their houses with wheat, wine and oil and every abundance, so that they can help those in need. Fulfill also the soul-saving petitions of all who are here.
Because You are the God of mercy, generosity and love for mankind, and we glorify You with Your Beginning Father, and the Most Holy, and Good, and Your Life-giving Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever. Amen.
Prayer: Blessed are You, O Lord our God, the Priest of the mysterious and pure marriage and the Lawgiver of the carnal order, the Keeper of incorruption and the good Organizer of everyday affairs. You, Vladyka, at the beginning having created man and placing him as king over all creation, said: "It is not good for a man to be alone on earth, let us make him a helper similar to him." And then, taking one of his ribs, he created a wife, whom, seeing, Adam said: “This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she will be called wife, because she was taken from her husband. Therefore, a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and both will be one flesh. And what God has combined, let man not part. "
Even now, O Lord our God, send your heavenly grace to your servants (name) and (name), and let this servant obey your husband in everything, and your servant to be the head of your wife, so that they live according to Your will. Bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Abraham and Sarah; bless them, O Lord our God, as you blessed Isaac and Rebekah; bless them, O Lord our God, as you blessed Jacob and all the patriarchs; bless them, O Lord our God, as you blessed Joseph and Asenetha; bless them, O Lord our God, as you blessed Moses and Zipporah; bless them, O Lord our God, as you blessed Joachim and Anna; bless them, O Lord our God, as You blessed Zechariah and Elizabeth. Preserve them, O Lady our God, as Thou didst preserve Noah in the ark; save them, O Lord our God, as you kept Jonah in the belly of the whale; save them, O Lord our God, as You saved the three youths from the fire by sending them the heavenly dew. And let the joy that blessed Elena received when she found the honest Cross come to them.
Remember them, O Lord our God, as You remembered Enoch, Shem, Elijah; remember them, O Lord our God, as you remembered your forty martyrs, sending them crowns from heaven. Remember, O God, the parents who raised them, for the prayers of the parents confirm the foundations of the houses. Remember, O Lord our God, the friends of the bride and groom who have come together for this joy. Remember, O Lord our God, Thy servant (name) and Thy servant (name) and bless them. Send them the fruit of the womb, virtuous children, like-mindedness in spiritual and physical matters; lift them up like the cedars of Lebanon, like a fruitful vine. Send them an abundance of fruits, so that they, having abundance in everything, may prosper in every work that is good and pleasing to You. And may they see the children of their sons, like new olive trees around the meal; and that they, pleasing You, O Lord our God, shine with You like stars in the firmament of heaven.
For all glory, honor and power befitting Thee, now and ever, and forever and ever. Amen.
Prayer: Holy God, who created a man from the earth, and from his rib formed a wife, and combined her to him as an assistant. Because it was pleasing to Your Majesty that a person would not be alone on earth. Thou even now, O Lord, send Thy hand from Thy holy dwelling place and combine Thy servant (name) and Thy servant (name), because from Thee a wife is combined with a husband. Unite them in one mind, crown them in one flesh. As the fruit of the womb, give them godly children.
Because your power and yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.
Then the priest takes the crown and, blessing the groom with it, says:
The servant of God (name) is married to the servant of God (name), in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
The groom kisses the crown.
Then the priest takes the second crown and, blessing the bride with it, says:
The servant of God (name) is crowned with the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
The bride also kisses the crown.
The crowns symbolize the high dignity of man and the marriage union.
Then the priest blesses the bride and groom three times, saying:
O Lord our God, crown them with glory and honor.
Deacon: Let's take it.
Priest: Peace to all.
Chorus: And perfume yours.
Deacon: Wisdom.
Reader: Prokemen, voice 8: You put crowns of precious stones on their heads, they asked You for life, and You gave it to them.
Chorus repeats proxy.
Deacon: Wisdom.
Reader: To the Ephesians the Epistle of the Holy Apostle Paul reading.
Deacon: Let's take it.
Reader: Brothers, always thank God and the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, obeying each other in the fear of God. Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just like Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But as the Church obeys Christ, so also wives to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her in order to sanctify her, cleansing her with a bath of water, by means of the word; to present her to Himself as a glorious Church, without spot, or wrinkle, or anything like that, but so that she might be holy and blameless. So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever had hatred for his flesh, but nourishes and warms it, like the Lord Church, because we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. Therefore, a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will be one flesh (Gen. 2:24). This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church. So each of you love his wife as himself; and let the wife fear her husband (Eph. 5: 20-33).
Chorus: Hallelujah.
Priest: Wisdom, forgive (i.e. stand up straight), let us hear the Holy Gospel. Peace to all.
Chorus: And perfume yours.
Priest: Reading from John of the Holy Gospel.
Chorus:
Deacon: Let's take it.
Priest: On the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee, and the Mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the marriage. And as there was a lack of wine, the Mother of Jesus said to Him: They have no wine. Jesus says to her: what is to me and to you, wife? My hour has not yet come. His mother said to the servants: whatever He says to you, do it. There were also six stone waterpots, standing according to the custom of the cleansing of the Jews, containing two or three measures. Jesus says to them: Fill the vessels with water. And filled them to the top. And he said to them: Now draw out and take it to the master of the feast. And they carried it. When the steward had tasted the water that had become wine - and he did not know where this wine came from, only the servants who drew the water knew - then the steward calls the groom and says to him: every man serves good wine first, and when they get drunk, then the worst; and you have kept good wine until now. So Jesus started miracles in Cana of Galilee and showed His glory, and His disciples believed in Him (John 2: 1-11).
Christ came to a poor wedding. People gathered in a small village, on a farm of some kind, they came hungry for joy - not for drink, of course, but for friendship, for light, for warmth, for affection - and a poor village feast began. In a very short time, probably the little that was prepared was eaten, and the wine that was in store was drunk. And then the Mother of God draws the attention of Her Divine Son to the fact that the wine has already been drunk. What did She mean by that? Does She really say to Her Son: do something, they say, so that they could still drink and drink, and get drunk so that they fall under the benches - did she really want this? No, She, of course, saw that their hearts were so yearning for joy, for happiness, for that feeling that makes it possible to forget all the hardships of the world, everything that oppresses, oppresses; hearts are still full of desire to be in the kingdom of this love of the bride and groom, to contemplate the heavenly vision of affection. And Christ turns to Her with a question that confuses many: "What is to Me and You, wife?" In some translations and in some interpretations of the Fathers: “What is between Me and You? Why exactly do you address me with this question? Is it because I am Your Son and You think that You have some kind of authority over Me? In this case, our relationship is only earthly, carnal, in which case My hour, the hour of heavenly miracles, has not yet come ... ”The Mother of God does not answer Him in the sense that: how is it, am I not your Mother? Nor does he answer: "Do I not know that You are the Son of God?" She only turns to those around her and makes them, as it were, partakers of her faith; She says to the servants: “Whatever He tells you - do ...” By this action, and not words to Her Son, She says: “I know who You are, I know that You are My Son in the flesh and that You are God who descended into the world to save the world, and therefore I turn to You not as to the Son, but as to His God, the Creator, the Provider, the One who can love the earth to death ... ”And then a miracle occurs, because it came to peace Kingdom of God by faith of one person. What is this lesson for us that we can - each of us - by faith, as it were, open the door to the coming of Christ and create a situation that will enable God to miraculously change an environment full of melancholy, dissatisfaction, and turn it into an atmosphere of jubilant, triumphant joy ! What's next? - Everything is very simple: yes, the servants drew wine, yes, they brought it to the owner, the administrator of the holiday; but one important event remains with us: the fact that at this moment the faith of one person made the earthly environment heavenly. And another thing: the only commandment that the Mother of God gave us: "Whatever He tells you, do ..." When your joy begins to come to an end, when you already feel that you have given each other everything that you have. you could only give that you cannot say anything new, that you can only repeat: “I love you”, you cannot express it in a new way, then listen deeply to what He will tell you - and what He would nor said, do it; and then the water of ordinary life - the dullness of life, its colorlessness - will suddenly shine. We have all seen the ground sometimes covered with dew. By the time the sun rises, this field is gray, even the greenery, covered with these drops of water, seems to fade; and suddenly the sun rose, and everything sparkled, shone with the colors of the rainbow. Likewise, a life that has grown dull can turn into a triumph, become beautiful only because we have given God a place in it, it can shine, like this field, with all the colors of the rainbow and beauty.
* * *
Chorus: Glory to Thee, Lord, glory to Thee.
Prayer: O Lord our God, it pleased you, according to your saving providence, by visiting Cana of Galilee to show the honesty of marriage. Even now, O Lord, preserve in peace and unity of mind Thy servants (name) and (name), whom you were pleased to combine with each other. Show their marriage honest, keep their bed undefiled. Grant that they live impeccably. And honor them to live to a venerable old age, fulfilling Your commandments from a pure heart.
For Thou art our God, God, who tends to have mercy and save, and we exalt glory to Thee, with Thy Originless Father, and Thy All-Holy and Good and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever. Amen.
Deacon: Step in, save, have mercy and save us, God, with your grace.
Chorus: Lord have mercy.
Priest: And vouch for us, Vladyka, with boldness, without condemnation, sweep to call upon Thee Heavenly God the Father, and speak.
The choir sings: "Our Father...".
Priest: As Yours is the Kingdom ...
Chorus: Amen.
Priest: Peace to all.
Chorus: And perfume yours.
Deacon: Bow down your heads to the Lord.
Chorus:
To you, Lord.
Then the priest recites the following prayer over a bowl of wine diluted with water:
God, who created everything with Your strength, who established the universe and adorned the crown of everything created by You! Bless with a spiritual blessing also this common cup, which you give to those who are married for marriage. For blessed is Thy name and glorified is Thy kingdom, Father and Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever. Amen.
The newlyweds take turns three times, they drink from the cup, expressing by this their readiness to share the common cup of life with its joys, sorrows and difficulties.
Then the priest joins the right hands of the newlyweds, takes the cross in his hands and circles them three times around the analogion on which the Gospel lies. Circle- a symbol of eternity, circumambulation around the Gospel reminds newlyweds that marriage life should be built on Christian principles given in the Gospel.
Chorus: Rejoice, Isaiah: the Virgin received in the womb and gave birth to the Son of Immanuel, God and Man, His name is East. By magnifying Him, we please the Virgin.
Holy martyrs, gloriously ascetic and crowned, pray to the Lord for mercy on our souls. Glory to Thee, Christ God, praise of the apostles, joy of martyrs, whose sermon is Consubstantial Trinity.
Then the priest takes the crown from the husband's head and says:
Exalt yourself, bridegroom, like Abraham, and be blessed like Isaac, and multiply like Jacob, living in peace and righteousness, keeping the commandments of God.
Similarly, he takes the crown from the head of his wife and says:
And you, bride, exalt like Sarah, and rejoice like Rebekah, and multiply like Rachel, rejoicing over her husband, keeping the limits of the law, because it is so pleasing to God.
Prayer: God, our God, who came to Cana of Galilee and blessed the marriage there! Bless also Thy servants, who by Thy providence were combined for marriage. Bless them when they come or go. Fill their lives with blessings. Receive their crowns into Your Kingdom, keeping them immaculate, spotless and free from the wiles (of the enemy) forever and ever.
Chorus: Amen.
Priest: Peace to all.
Deacon: Bow down your heads to the Lord.
Chorus: To you, Lord.
Prayer: Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Holy and Consubstantial Trinity, one Deity and Kingdom, bless you and give you longevity, pious children, success in life and in faith; may he saturate you with earthly blessings and may he deign to receive the promised blessings, through the prayers of the Most Holy Theotokos and all the saints.
Chorus: Amen.
Here the final words of the service are pronounced and many years are proclaimed.
During the wedding, future spouses should try to pay more attention to prayer, rather than solemnity.
WHAT SHOULD BE A WEDDING MEAL
The Sacrament of marriage is celebrated solemnly and joyfully. From a multitude of people: relatives, friends and acquaintances - from the sparkle of candles, from church singing, somehow involuntarily it becomes festive and cheerful in the soul.
After the wedding, young people, parents, witnesses, guests continue the holiday at the table.
But how indecently some of the invitees sometimes behave at the same time. They often revel here, utter shameless speeches, sing immodest songs, and dance wildly. Such behavior would be shameful even for a pagan, “ignorant of God and His Christ,” and not only for us Christians. The Holy Church warns against such behavior. Canon 53 of the Laodicean Council says: "It is not fitting for marriages (that is, even for the relatives of the bride and groom and guests) to ride or dance, but modestly have supper and dinner, as it should be for a Christian." The wedding feast should be modest and quiet, should be averse to all intemperance and indecency. Such a quiet and modest feast will be blessed by the Lord Himself, who sanctified the marriage in Cana of Galilee with His presence and the performance of the first miracle.
ABOUT "HONEY MONTH" AND ON MARRIED LIFE
In a decree of one of the Councils of Carthage it is said: "The bride and groom, upon receiving the blessing, should spend the next night in virginity out of reverence for the blessing received."
The Church condemns the intemperate honeymooning of young spouses. Any true Christian will never approve of a lifestyle of a married couple in which marriage loses its moral meaning and becomes one sexual intercourse; the sensual side comes to the fore here, occupying an inappropriate place for it.
And if the young spouses do not want to turn their " Honeymoon"In the period of a sharp weakening of strength and a depressed state, tears, quarrels and mutual discontent, then let them moderate their desires. Their restraint and moderation will be rewarded with quiet joy and happiness of the first days of a new, joint life.
Abstinence is required of Christians on all Sundays and holidays, days of communion, repentance and fasting.
The Monk Seraphim of Sarov also points out the need to observe these resolutions of the Councils: “... And also keep clean, keep Wednesdays and Fridays, and holidays and Sundays. For non-keeping of cleanliness, for non-observance of Wednesday and Friday by spouses, children will be born dead, and if holidays and Sundays are not kept, wives die in childbirth, ”he said to a young man entering into marriage.
Upon marriage, husband and wife must each take their place. “The husband is the head of the wife,” a person responsible before God and St. Church for the direction of family life, for its strength and prosperity. For the happiness of his wife and family, the husband sacrifices everything in the image of Christ, even his own life: "He who loves his wife loves himself" (Eph. 5, 25-28). A wife should obey her husband not because she is inferior to her husband in the eyes of the Church, since for the Church everyone is equal: "There is no male or female" (Gal 3:28), but because the husband is the leader of family life, he is the mind, and the wife is the heart of the family. “The wife is afraid of her husband” not in the sense of some kind of slavish fear, which has no place in the Christian life, but in the sense of the consciousness of the husband's great responsibility for the strength and well-being of family involvement. In view of this responsibility, the husband, in turn, must condescend to the weaknesses of the female nature, knowing that the wife - "weaker vessel" (1 Pet. 3, 7), he is obliged to value most of all in his wife as her best adornment, bashfulness, chastity, highly appreciating and preserving these holy qualities. Spouses should support each other, help each other, condescend mutually to mutual shortcomings and bear the burden of the weakest, his weakness. This is what it means to love truly, to love in a Christian way: "Bear ye one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ" (ie, the law of love) (Gal. 6: 2).
Words of the saintJOHN ZLATOUSTA
ABOUT CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
“Husband and wife have a duty to maintain marital fidelity to each other. Violation of marital fidelity is the most serious crime. " And therefore Chrysostom with all his might denounces this vice, and the reproofs of the saint retain all their significance for modern society, in which this vice significantly spreads in husbands and wives. Denouncing a husband who violates loyalty to his wife, Saint Chrysostom says: “How will he apologize? Don't talk to me about the passion of nature. Therefore, marriage is established so that you do not cross borders. For God, providing for your peace and honor, gave you a wife for this, so that you would satisfy the kindling of nature through your spouse and be freed from all lust. And with an ungrateful soul you inflict dishonor on Him, reject all shame, overstep the boundaries assigned to you, dishonor your own glory.
“Why do you look at someone else's beauty? Why are you looking at a face that does not belong to you? Why are you breaking your marriage - dishonoring your bed? "
The mutual love of the spouses should not depend on the degree of beauty of each of them and should not be extinguished if one of them, for some reason, becomes ugly and even ugly. This, in particular, Chrysostom inspires husbands, since in some of them love for their wives weakens to the extent that the beauty of wives, which previously seduced them, disappears, or to which they themselves begin to notice their bodily flaws. “Do not turn away from your wife for the sake of her disgrace,” says St. John to the husband. - Listen to what the Scripture says: the bee is small among those who fly, but its fruit is the best of sweets (Sir 11: 3). The wife is a creation of God; you will not insult her, but the One who created her. What to do with your wife? Do not praise her for her external beauty; praise, hatred, and love of this kind are characteristic of unchaste souls. Seek the beauty of the soul; imitate the Bridegroom of the Church. "
When a husband gets an evil wife, his duty is not to get angry, but with humility to see in this misfortune the right hand of the Lord, punishing him for his sins. “Your wife raises a war against you,” says Chrysostom. The woeful circumstance that the helper has become an enemy! But test yourself. Did you yourself do something against a woman in your youth? And now the wound you inflicted on a woman is healed by a woman, and the ulcer of a strange woman, like a surgeon, is burned out by her own wife. And that a thin wife is a reproach to a sinner, the Scripture testifies to this. A wicked wife will be given to a sinful husband, and she will be given as a bitter antidote that dries up the sinner's bad juices. "
If, according to the teachings of St. Chrysostom, the bad character of a wife is a Divine punishment for her husband, then it is obvious that the husband must endure this punishment with perfect patience, and therefore nothing can excuse the cruelty of a husband to his wife. This is contrary to both the doctrine of Christian patience and indulgence, and the concept of love, which a husband should always keep to his wife. That inhuman treatment of wives, which often happens to be met by husbands, especially from the lower classes, Chrysostom strongly condemns as something extremely cruel and barbaric.
“When something unpleasant happens in the house because your wife is sinning, then you,” Chrysostom advises her husband, “comfort her, and do not increase her sorrow. At least you've lost everything. But there is nothing more regrettable than having a wife in the house who lives with her husband without being kind to him. Whatever wrong on the part of your wife you may point out, you cannot imagine anything that would cause more grief than strife with your wife. Therefore, love for her should be most precious to you. If each of us must bear the burdens of each other, then the more the husband is obliged to do so in relation to his wife. "
“Even if your wife has sinned a lot against you,” says Chrysostom, “forgive her everything. If you took a malevolent one, teach her kindness and meekness; if there is a vice in your wife, cast him out, not her. If, after many experiences, you learn that your wife is incorrigible and stubbornly adheres to her customs, then do not drive her out, for she is a part of your body, as it is said: there will be two in one flesh. May the vices of your wife remain unhealed, for that you already have a great reward, that you teach and admonish her, and for the sake of the fear of God you endure so many troubles and endure an unkind wife as a part of yourself. "
THE INSTRUCTIONS OF THE MONUMENTAMBROSIA OPTINSKY
FOR SPOUSES AND PARENTS
“Family hardships should be endured as a share voluntarily chosen by us. Rear thoughts are more harmful than useful here. It is salutary only to pray to God for oneself and for the family, so that He may do something useful for us according to the will of His saint. "
“... you are no better than the holy king David, who throughout his life endured family upsets and sorrows, not a hundred times more than you. I will not describe everything, but I will only say that his son Absalom decided to overthrow his father from the royal throne and attempted ... his life. But Saint David sincerely humbled himself before the Lord and before people, I will not reject the annoying reproaches from Semey, but realizing his guilt before God, humbly told others that the Lord commanded Semey to oath David. For such humility, the Lord not only showed him mercy, but also returned the kingdom.
We must be judicious, that is, we must first of all care about receiving the mercy of God and eternal salvation, and not about returning the old kingdom, that is, temporary benefits that have fallen out and are falling out of the weakened hands of our son. However, the Lord is able to correct him too, if only he wants to bow under the mighty hand of God. It is necessary to humbly and with faith pray to God about this, so that he will teach him and us. "
“... it will be enough for you if you take care to educate your children in the fear of God, instill in them the Orthodox concept and with well-intentioned instructions to protect them from concepts alien to the Orthodox Church. What you sow good in the souls of your children in their youth, may afterwards vegetate in their hearts, when they come to mature courage, after bitter school and modern trials, which often break off the branches of good Christian home trials.
The experience, which has been confirmed for centuries, shows that the sign of the cross has great power on all actions of a person in all the continuation of his life. Therefore, it is necessary to take care to instill in children the custom of often protecting themselves with the sign of the cross, and especially before eating and drinking, going to bed and getting up, before leaving, before going out and before entering somewhere, and so that children put the sign of the cross not casually or in a fashionable way , but with precision, from the brow to the Perseus, and on both shoulders, so that the cross comes out correctly. "
“You wish to have a handwritten line from me, calling yourself my spiritual daughter. If so, listen to what your spiritual father will tell you.
If you wish to be prosperous in your life, then try to live according to the commandments of God, and not to simple human customs. The Lord says through the prophet Isaiah: "If you listen to Me (by fulfilling the commandments of God), then you will take down the good earth." But the main commandment in the promise: "Honor your father and mother, so that it will be good for you and you will be long on earth." Inappropriate antics or outbursts in front of parents are by no means innocent. A wise word is borne (exists) between people: teach your grandmother to suck eggs".
“My opinion about the practice of reading is such as to preoccupy a young mind. Sacred History and by reading the lives of the saints, by choice, imperceptibly sowing in him the seeds of the fear of God and Christian life; and it is especially necessary, with the help of God, to be able to inspire him how important it is to keep the commandments of God and what disastrous consequences are from violating them. All this should be deduced from the example of our ancestors, who ate of the forbidden tree and for that were expelled from paradise. "
“You ask my sinful advice and blessing to enter into a legal marriage with your chosen bride.
If you are healthy and she is healthy, you like each other and the bride of trustworthy behavior, and the mother has a good, unhurried character, then you can marry her. "
“If the son is healthy and has not promised to become a monk, and wants to marry, then it is possible, God bless. And to make it more humble, then look. If the mother of the bride is humble, then the bride must be humble, because according to the old proverb: the apple rolls away from the apple tree not far. "
“The Holy Martyr Justin, as it is written in ancient legends, says that our Lord Jesus Christ during His earthly life was engaged in dividing the plow and the yoke, meaning by this that people should work and justly and equally with others bear the burden, as the harnessed oxen evenly carry your yoke: if one of the two lags behind, then it will be more difficult for the other. If the spouses evenly, in a Christian way, shared the burden of their life, then it would be good for people on earth to live. But as spouses are often resilient, both or one of the two, our earthly well-being is not strengthened. "
“The Lord, with the depth of wisdom, amicably arranges everything and gives useful things to everyone. And therefore for a person there is nothing better and more useful than devotion to the will of God, and the fate of God is incomprehensible to us.
You realize that you yourself are to blame for many, that you did not know how to raise your son as it should. Self-reproach is useful, but realizing your guilt, you should humble yourself and repent, and not be embarrassed and despair. Also, you should not be very worried about the thought that you are the only one - the involuntary reason for your son's current position. This is not entirely true: every person is gifted with free will and is more for himself and will have to answer before God. "
“No one should justify his irritability with any disease - it comes from pride. “And the anger of a husband, - according to the word of the holy Apostle James, - will not make the righteousness of God.”
“No matter how great the involuntary sufferings of your daughter, baby S, they still cannot be compared with the arbitrary sufferings of the martyrs; if they are equal, then she and equal with them will receive a blissful state in the paradise villages.
However, we should not forget the tricky present time, in which even small children receive mental damage from what they see and from what they hear; and therefore purification is required, which does not exist without suffering; but for the most part, mental purification happens through bodily suffering. Let’s assume that there was no mental injury. Still, one should know that heavenly bliss is not bestowed on anyone without suffering. Look: do nursing babies pass into the future life without illness and suffering?
I am writing this not because I would like the death of suffering baby C; but ... actually to comfort you and for correct admonition, and real conviction, so that you do not grieve unreasonably and without measure. No matter how you love your daughter, know that our All-Gracious Lord loves her more than you, who in every way provides for our salvation. He Himself testifies about His love for each of the believers in the Scriptures, saying: "If even the wife will forget her devil, I will forget you." Therefore, try to moderate your grief for your sick daughter, casting this grief on the Lord: as he wants and wills, he will do with us according to His goodness.
I advise you to introduce your sick daughter with a preliminary confession. Ask your confessor to question her wisely during confession.
I wish your sick daughter and spouse, by the will of God, health improvement; and to you and other children - the mercy of the Lord and a peaceful stay. "
"Mercy and condescension to others and the forgiveness of their shortcomings is the shortest path to salvation."
“You are not the only one who regrets and regrets the mistakes of the past, which is no longer possible to turn back, but also many.
Anyone who wants to somehow correct the old, should give up inappropriate desire and take care and try to be able to use the present time and use it properly, seeking mercy from the Lord. "
“Good desires are not always fulfilled. Know that the Lord does not fulfill all our good desires, but only those that serve for our spiritual benefit.
If we, when raising children, sort out which teaching is appropriate for which age; all the more, the Lord, the Heater of the Heart, knows what is useful to us and at what time. There is a spiritual age, which is considered beyond years, and not by beards, and not by wrinkles. "
“At the present time, faith and hope and a petition for the mercy and protection of God are even more needed. The Lord is powerful to cover and protect those who are compelled to live according to the commandments of His saints, if we are concerned about mutual peace ...
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in the world, and joy in life is obtained by mutual peace, and every good success is achieved by peace according to Bose, and not by man-pleasing according to the spirit of the world; reasonable condescension and Christian art are needed in general and private matters. "
INSURANCE OF MARRIAGE
"What God has combined, that man shall not separate"(Matthew 19: 6)
The Church only in exceptional cases gives consent to the dissolution of a marriage, mainly when it has already been defiled by adultery or when it has been destroyed by the circumstances of life (long-term unknown absence of one of the spouses). Second marriage, after the death of a husband or wife, is allowed by the Church, although in the prayers for second marriages, the forgiveness of the sin of second marriage is already requested. The third marriage is tolerated only as a lesser evil in order to avoid a greater evil - debauchery (explanation of St. Basil the Great).
PUNISHED AND REPENTEDOathbreaker
(real life example)
Moscow Archpriest Ivan Grigorievich Vinogradov, who served as a priest at the Church of St. Paraskeva Pyatnitsa in Okhotny Ryad, recalled such an incident from his pastoral practice. “In my parish,” he said, “there lived a pious merchant family, in which there was an only son, a favorite of both father and mother. When he was twenty years old, in the family of a pious widow, he met her, also the only daughter, who had a secondary education and was distinguished by rare beauty. The girl was poor in fortune, but rich in piety and good spiritual qualities. The young man began to visit them and, apparently, was carried away by the girl. Initially, his visits were noble, but over time, the girl began to complain to her mother that the young man, when they were alone, allowed himself various immodesty in dealing with her. The noble mother, protecting the dignity of her daughter, told the young man at the first opportunity that she would not tolerate free treatment of her daughter, and asked him not to come to them again. With tears, the young man began to assure his mother that he was so attached to her daughter and his heart was full of such love that he could not live without her and would die of despair if the doors of their house were closed in front of him. Then his mother said to him: “If you really like my daughter, I do not mind her being your wife. But you get married! " The young man, apparently, was ready to fulfill his mother's desire and get married. But at the same time, he began to assure that only a year later he could be combined with the bride in a church marriage, in which he gave his mother an honest and noble word. "Only for God's sake, allow me," he continued, "to be with you as your daughter's fiancé." Mother thought and replied: "I will only allow you to be in our house, when on the very first Sunday you agree with me to go to the Kremlin Assumption Cathedral, where, in front of the holy miraculous Vladimir Icon of the Mother of God, you will swear an oath to fulfill your promise." He willingly agreed to this offer. And on the very first Sunday, kneeling in front of the miraculous image of the Mother of God, in the presence of the widow, he took the following oath: “To the Lady, I swear before your holy image, as before a living one, that in a year I will fulfill my promise holy and will marry the girl chosen by me ... If I do not fulfill this and turn out to be a perjurer, then You, Mother of God, dry me up to the core. " After this great and terrible oath, the young man began to visit the widow as a family, and a year later the young girl was relieved of the burden as a boy. At first, the young man, like the father of the child, came every day, then his visits became less and less frequent and, finally, completely stopped. Mother and daughter were in indescribable grief. To complete their horror and boundless misfortune, the mother and daughter learned that the young man was marrying another. He was tempted by the second bride's almost million dowry. Thinking of making himself earthly happiness with a rich wife, he forgot the most important thing: happiness is not in money, but in the blessing and help of God, which he lost through his perjury and treachery. In the daze of his ghostly, insane happiness, he dreamed that his life would be provided until death. But the judgment of God was guarding him. On the day of the wedding, the young man felt unwell. He developed a weakness that did not leave him. He began to lose weight by leaps and bounds and gradually became a living skeleton, went to bed and literally dried up. Nothing could comfort him. His soul was full of indescribable sorrow and longing. Being in such boundless sadness, one day in broad daylight he sees a majestic wondrous Wife, full of great glory, enter the room. Her appearance was stern. She went up to him and said: “Oathbreaker, you deserve this punishment for your insanity. Repent and bear the fruits of repentance. " She touched his hair with her hand, and it fell onto the pillow, and the Wife herself became invisible. After that, the patient immediately invited his spiritual father to him, with great weeping repented of everything to him, then called his parents to his deathbed. In their presence, he told the confessor in detail the whole story of his passion for the poor girl, about his oath before the Vladimir Icon of the Mother of God and about the appearance of a wondrous and majestic Wife to him that day, in whom he recognized the Queen of Heaven. In conclusion, with tears, he asked his father and mother to show great mercy to the girl deceived by him, the baby born of him, and the widow, to provide them for their whole life. The next day, in the morning, I was again invited to him. The patient was admonished with the Sacraments of Communion and Blessing of Oil. He grew weaker by the minute. Finally, the Canon for the exodus of the soul was read. Everyone prayed and cried. Suddenly the patient was inspired, tried to rise up and, with a feeling of joy, quietly, quietly, but clearly said: "I see You, the Lady of the world, coming to me, but Your gaze is not stern, but merciful," and with these words he died. " (Trinity Leaves from the Spiritual Meadow. P. 109.)
Christian marriage is an opportunity for the spiritual unity of spouses, continued in eternity, for "love never ceases, although the prophecies will stop, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished." Why do believers get married? Answers to the most common questions about the sacrament of weddings are in the article by the priest Dionysius Svechnikov.
What ? Why is it called a sacrament?
In order to start talking about wedding, it is worth considering first. After all, a wedding, as a divine service and a grace-filled action of the Church, marks the beginning of a church marriage. Marriage is a Sacrament, in which the natural love union of a man and a woman, into which they freely enter, promising to be faithful to each other, is sanctified into the image of the union of Christ with the Church.
The canonical collections of the Orthodox Church also operate with the definition of marriage proposed by the Roman jurist Modestinus (3rd century): "Marriage is the union of a man and a woman, communion of life, participation in divine and human rights." The Christian Church, having borrowed the definition of marriage from Roman law, gave it a Christian understanding based on the testimony of Holy Scripture. The Lord Jesus Christ taught: “A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. So what God has united, let not man separate ”(Matthew 19: 5-6).
The Orthodox teaching on marriage is very complex, and it is difficult to define marriage in just one phrase. After all, marriage can be viewed from many positions, focusing on one side or another of the spouses' lives. Therefore, I will offer one more definition of Christian marriage, expressed by the rector of St. Tikhon's Theological Institute, Archpriest. Vladimir Vorobyov in his work "The Orthodox Doctrine of Marriage": "Marriage is understood in Christianity as an ontological union of two people into a single whole, which is accomplished by God Himself, and is a gift of beauty and fullness of life, which is essential for improvement, for the fulfillment of one's destiny, for transformation and settling into the Kingdom of God. " Therefore, the Church does not think of the fullness of marriage without her special action, called the Sacrament, which has a special grace-filled power that gives a person the gift of a new being. It is this action that is called a wedding.
A wedding is a specific divine service, during which the Church asks the Lord for the blessing and sanctification of the family life of Christian spouses, as well as the birth and dignified upbringing of children. I would like to note that the wedding of every Christian couple is a fairly young tradition. The first Christians did not know the rite of wedding that is practiced in the modern Orthodox Church. The ancient Christian Church originated in the Roman Empire, which had its own concept of marriage and its own traditions of entering into a marriage union. Conclusion of marriage in Ancient rome was purely legal and took the form of a contract between two parties. The marriage was preceded by a "conspiracy", or betrothal, in which the material aspects of the marriage could be negotiated.
Without violating or abrogating the law that operated in the Roman Empire, the early Christian Church gave a marriage contracted according to state law a new understanding based on the New Testament teaching, likening the union of a husband and wife to the union of Christ and the Church, and considered the married couple a living member of the Church. After all, the Church of Christ is capable of existing under any state formations, state structures and legislation.
Christians believed that there are two prerequisites for marriage. The first is earthly, marriage must be legal, it must satisfy the laws that operate in real life, it must exist in the reality that exists on Earth in this era. The second condition is that marriage must be blessed, grace-filled, ecclesiastical.
Of course, Christians could not approve of those marriages that pagans allowed in the Roman state: konkubinat - long cohabitation of a man with a free, unmarried woman and closely related marriages. The marriage relationship of Christians had to comply with the moral rules of the New Testament teaching. Therefore, Christians entered into marriage with the blessing of the bishop. The intention to marry was announced in the Church prior to the conclusion of the civil contract. Marriages not announced in the church community, according to Tertullian's testimony, were equated with fornication and adultery.
Tertullian wrote that a true marriage took place in front of the Church, was sanctified by prayer and sealed by the Eucharist. The common life of Christian spouses began with joint participation in the Eucharist. The first Christians could not imagine their life without the Eucharist, outside the Eucharistic community, in the center of which was the Lord's Supper. Those getting married came to the Eucharistic assembly, and, with the blessing of the bishop, communed together the Holy Mysteries of Christ. All those present knew that these people began on that day a new life together at the chalice of Christ, accepting it as a grace-filled gift of unity and love that would unite them in eternity.
Thus, the first Christians entered into marriage both through a church blessing and through a legal agreement adopted in the Roman state. This order remained unchanged in the early days of the Christianization of the empire. The first Christian sovereigns, condemning secret, unregistered marriages, in their laws speak only of the civil legal side of marriage, without mentioning church marriage.
Later, the Byzantine emperors ordered to marry only with a church blessing. But at the same time, the Church has long participated in betrothal, giving it a morally binding force. Until marriage became obligatory for all Christians, church betrothal, followed by the actual beginning of the marriage relationship, was regarded as a valid marriage.
The rite of wedding, which we can observe now, took shape around the 9-10th centuries in Byzantium. It is a kind of synthesis of church worship and Greco-Roman folk wedding customs. For example, wedding rings in ancient times had a purely practical meaning. The nobility had widespread seal rings, which were used to fasten legal documents written on wax tablets. By exchanging seals, the spouses entrusted each other with all their property as evidence of mutual trust and loyalty. Thanks to this, in the Sacrament of Rejection, the rings retained their original symbolic meaning - they began to denote loyalty, unity, and the continuity of the family union. The crowns placed on the heads of the spouses entered the rite of marriage thanks to Byzantine ceremonies and acquired a Christianized meaning - they testify to the royal dignity of the newlyweds who are to build their kingdom, their world, and their family.
So why is there a special meaning of the New Testament teaching on marriage, why is marriage called the Sacrament in the Church of Christ, and not just a beautiful rite or tradition? The Old Testament teaching on marriage saw the main purpose and essence of marriage in the reproduction of the gens. Childbearing was the most obvious sign of God's blessing. The most striking example of God's favor to the righteous was the promise given by God to Abraham for his obedience: “In blessing I will bless you and, multiplying, I will multiply your seed, like the stars of heaven and like sand on the seashore; and thy seed shall possess the cities of their enemies; and in your seed all the nations of the earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice ”(Gen. 22, 17-18).
Although the Old Testament teaching did not have a clear idea of the posthumous existence, and a person, at best, could only hope for a ghostly vegetation in the so-called "Sheol" (which can only be very inaccurately translated as "hell"), the promise given to Abraham assumed, that life can become eternal through posterity. The Jews were waiting for their Messiah, who would arrange a kind of new Israelite kingdom, in which the bliss of the Jewish people would come. It was the participation of the descendants of this or that person in this bliss that was understood as his personal salvation. Therefore, childlessness was considered by the Jews as a punishment from God, for it deprived a person of the possibility of personal salvation.
In contrast to the Old Testament teaching, marriage in the New Testament appears before a person as a special spiritual union of Christian spouses, continued in eternity. The pledge of eternal unity and love is seen as the meaning of the New Testament teaching on marriage. The doctrine of marriage, as a state intended only for childbirth, is rejected by Christ in the Gospel: “In the Kingdom of God, they do not marry and do not marry, but abide like the angels of God” (Matthew 22: 23-32). The Lord clearly makes it clear that in eternity there will be no carnal, earthly relations between spouses, but there will be spiritual ones.
Therefore, and, first of all, it provides an opportunity for the spiritual unity of spouses, continued in eternity, for “love never ceases, although prophecies will cease, and tongues will cease, and knowledge will be abolished” (1 Cor. 13: 8). Ap. Paul likened marriage to the unity of Christ and the Church: “Wives,” he wrote in the Epistle to the Ephesians, “obey your husbands as to the Lord; because the husband is the head of the wife, just like Christ is the Head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But as the Church obeys Christ, so also wives to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her ”(Eph. 5: 22-25). The Holy Apostle attached to marriage the significance of the Sacrament: “A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will be one flesh. This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church ”(Eph. 5: 31-32). The Church calls marriage a Sacrament because the Lord Himself unites two people in a mysterious and incomprehensible way for us. Marriage is a Sacrament for life and for Eternal Life.
Speaking of marriage as a spiritual union of spouses, in no case should we forget that marriage itself becomes a means of continuation and multiplication of the human race. Therefore, childbearing is salvific, for it was established by God: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28). Apostle teaches about the salvation of childbirth. Paul: “a wife ... will be saved through childbearing if she abides in faith and love and in holiness with chastity” (1 Tim, 2, 14-15).
Thus, childbearing is one of the goals of marriage, but by no means is it an end in itself. The Church calls on her faithful children to bring up their children in the Orthodox faith. Only then does childbearing become salvific when children become, together with their parents, a “home Church,” growing in spiritual perfection and knowledge of God.
To be continued…
