Moving abroad is always difficult, but Siberians bravely conquer other countries. Seven of our fellow countrymen shared with Woman's Day their stories of moving to the USA, Europe and Asia and told what surprises them abroad.
Lyubovnaya Julia, lives in Prague for 2 years
Photo Personal archive of Yulia Lyubovnaya
I moved to Prague to live with my beloved, now my husband. Our acquaintance happened at home on vacation. Then we both just graduated from the first year of university: I am in Novosibirsk, and he is in Prague. For four years we had a long distance relationship, we saw each other twice a year. More than once the future spouse suggested leaving the university and entering a university in Prague, but I decided to finish my studies in Novosibirsk. In her second year at the university, she began to work to save money for moving to the Czech Republic and Czech language courses. Of course, it was not easy, but I tried not to lose heart and not forget why I was doing this. And as a result: by the end of the training, the financial part and documents were in order.
It seemed that I was in a fairy tale. Prague is incredible beautiful city... People from all over the world come here and say that they have never seen such beauty, and I completely agree with them. When you walk through the old part of the city, you get the feeling that you are living under Louis XIV.
What are you doing now? I work as a deputy director at Orsay. The work schedule allows me to earn extra money, doing photography and painting for my own pleasure. Several months ago I started learning to play the piano, I dreamed about it since childhood. I constantly read books, now in three languages: English, Czech and Russian.
Your wishes for those planning to move abroad. If a person has really set himself the goal of moving to a specific country, while he is hardworking and knows at least two languages, the trick is in the bag. I can add that it is useless to move from place to place in search of happiness. I believe that you need to change your place of residence with a smile on your face and harmony in your soul, and you cannot run away from yourself and your internal problems.
Tanya Suslova, lives in Japan, in the city of Sapporo, 4 years old
Photo Personal archive of Tatiana Suslova
How did you come to live in Japan? Even in my first year at the institute, I became interested in Japanese culture. Together with friends we went to Japanese language courses. A year later, I learned that I could go on a trip to Hokkaido in a group from our Japanese center for two weeks. There was a very strong earthquake in Japan that year, and only four people remained from our group of people who wanted to go. But I held on firmly. After this trip, my life has changed a lot. I decided that Japan is the place where I want to live: in this country I felt like “mine”. It took four years while I was studying at an architectural institute and at the same time studying Japanese in courses. During this time, I made a lot of Japanese acquaintances, with whom I communicated on various sites. I also met my husband through the Internet. I remember when he came for the first time for a week in a cold winter to see me in reality ... I graduated from college and found a room and work forty minutes from my city so that my parents get used to the distance. I saved up money for a plane and housing for the first time and moved.
What are you doing now? I continue to work as a freelance designer - my education, received in Russia, allows. And I moonlight on architectural projects in Japan.
I am a foreigner, unlike any other person living here. No matter how hard I try to learn how to speak or dress perfectly, my appearance speaks for itself. In the supermarket, when I want to find something and ask the seller, he gets lost, not knowing how to talk to me, although I asked in Japanese clearly and clearly. As a result, apologizing, he runs away and brings an experienced grandmother, who calmly explains everything. It is also difficult to find friends here - the Japanese are closed people. Now I mainly communicate with foreigners and guys from Russia, there are a lot of them here.
How do Japanese people differ from Siberians?
Our people are more open, we are often not afraid to express our opinion to others - the Japanese are different. We can also leave work, even if we haven't finished the job, the Japanese, as a rule, do not.
Your wishes to those who are planning to move to live abroad. There is no need to be afraid to set goals, even the most unsolvable ones, and move forward to achieve them. Do not speak, but do! Start today, because tomorrow it will be too late. And there will certainly be difficulties on the way, but this does not mean that this is not your path. Look at the people of another country, study, communicate. As a result, you will have to communicate with people, and not with the sights. Highlight what is more important to you, because often our close people, parents, cannot move with us. And most importantly, learn the language and culture. It is ugly to come to the country and demand to be accepted as you are. People who know how to change can achieve more.
Shiryaev Pavel, lived in Thailand for a year
Photo Personal archive of Pavel Shiryaev
How did it happen that you moved to live abroad?
In fact, it cannot be said that I moved to live abroad. Rather, I am on a constant journey. Now I'm looking for the place where I just want to stay. Over the past two years I have traveled fifteen countries, but have not yet found one where I want to stay for a long time. It all started with the fact that two and a half years ago I flew to Thailand for a month or two, and stayed for a year, fascinated by beaches, fruits, local cuisine and the feeling of freedom that is everywhere in the air.
What was your first impression of this country? The first thing that struck me on landing in Bangkok was the air - hot, humid, and the smell of spices was everywhere. I could not breathe them.
How do Thais differ from Siberians? Three main words in the life of any Thai: "sanuk", "sabay", "suai", which can be translated as "pleasure", "ease", "beauty". They strive for complete harmony and beauty, both in the inner world and in the outer. Thais amazed me with their cheerfulness and openness. Whoever I looked at, the salesman, the policeman, or the passerby, everyone invariably answered me with a smile.
What are you doing now? I am developing my own internet project. My goal: to teach people how to make money on the Internet so that they can travel doing what they love. I myself went this way and now I want to help others. V this moment we are filming a series of free tutorials on how to make a profitable online business out of your hobby.
Understand why you want to move to another country and how the move meets your long-term goals. It is advisable to have a financial "safety cushion" - a sufficient amount in a bank account, a stable income through the Internet, or find a job in a new place of residence in advance. And, of course, the main thing is to act!
Semenyukha Julia, 2 years living in Italy, the city of Conegliano
Photo Personal archive of Yulia Semenyukha
How did it happen that you moved to live abroad? I have relatives living in Italy. For a couple of years I went to visit them, until at one point I realized that it was worth trying to live here on a permanent basis for some time.
What was your first impression of your new residence? During my first visit, Italy fascinated me: a lot of sun, mountains, lakes, sea, amazing architecture, Italian cuisine, Italians themselves with their expressive manner of communication. As a tourist, it is difficult not to fall in love with Italy, another question is when you come here and begin to lead an ordinary routine life. There is no longer so much time to admire the beauty of Italy, and sometimes there is still no strength. Having received a residence permit, I immediately went to university, despite having a higher education diploma. Unfortunately, in order to become a full-fledged member of a new society, one must not only learn the language, but also learn to understand the values and mental characteristics of this society. Most quick way to do it - school or university.
What difficulties did you face in your new place? It took me a long time to get used to the fact that after 9 pm all shops close, including pharmacies. Therefore, if you urgently need pills for allergies, you will have to look for a pharmacy on duty, and it may be located fifty kilometers from you, as in my case, and may also be closed. Then, many medicines are not sold without a doctor's prescription. And to get to a narrow specialist, for example, an ophthalmologist, you will have to wait a month or two.
How do Italians differ from Siberians? The main distinguishing feature of Italians: their attitude to food. Italian cuisine is a real culture. It is customary here to get together in some cozy establishment and spend the evening at the table, chatting and enjoying food. Upon arrival, for the first time, I listened to the conversations of people on the street and in public places, I was interested in what Italians usually talk about, and so, they talk almost all the time about food: what they ate, what they would eat, where they would eat what new they have tried or where to go to eat with friends.
What are you doing now? Now I work in accounting and at the same time study at the university.
Your wishes for those who are planning to move. If you have already decided on this step, then the most difficult thing is to endure the first time, go through adaptation and mastering the language. The only thing I would like to wish is patience.
Alina Efimovich, lives in Belgium for 2 years
Photo Personal archive of Alina Efimovich
How did it happen that you moved to live abroad? I am from Omsk and have never thought about staying in Novosibirsk after my studies. Based on the results of the competitive selection, I received a scholarship to study abroad, and a week and a half after defending my diploma in Novosibirsk, I already began a new academic semester in Belgium. She herself did not understand how she left. While I was filling out the documents, my head was busy with the diploma project, and only two months later, looking at the map of the world, I realized where I was.
What difficulties did you face in your new place? The most difficult, probably, was the local "regime of the day". In Russia you get very used to the availability of services and services 24/7. I couldn’t even imagine that there’s no coffee here after seven, no cake, grocery stores can close at eight in the evening, and the heating in the house is turned off at night. I slept for the first month in a hat! To be honest, it is better -30 on the street than +16 in the house.
How do Belgians differ from Siberians?
I think the Russian person is more straightforward, without fake joy on his face. I like it, I am on vacation in Russia when I see calm, serious faces around. Yes, and our smile means a lot more.
What are you doing now? I study, do my dissertation, take part in research and some master classes.
Your wishes for those who are planning to move. I don't think there is any one-size-fits-all advice. Of course, there must be financial confidence and a language base. English is not spoken everywhere! But the most important thing is that there is enough courage and self-confidence, and everything will work out!
Anna Bolshakova, lives in France (Angoulême) since August 2016
Photo Personal archive of Anna Bolshakova
How did it happen that you moved to live abroad? I've always wanted to do animation and looked for different ways to achieve this goal. I read about schools, dossiers of various successful artists and animators, followed festivals and, in the end, concluded for myself that France is one of the best options, and by the number of opportunities, and by the high level of film schools. Therefore, I began to prepare for life in this particular country: I learned the language, collected a portfolio, met people. After several years, I can say for sure that it was the right decision!
What was your first impression of your new residence? I think the impression is shaped by the environment. I found myself in a very creative and interesting environment: we are all on the same wavelength, and even language barriers do not prevent this. That is why I am very grateful to the people who have now become my friends here for making it inspiring.
What difficulties did you face in your new place? All the main difficulties concerned only everyday trifles: when for the first time, say, it is necessary to curb a ticket vending machine for a tram or get used to the unusual opening hours of shops. But these are all little things, of course.
How do the French differ from the Siberians? The difference is in the sense of personal space. Here, after the phrase "Hello, how is life", you can easily start a conversation with a completely by a stranger, just like that. You need to have a couple of easy funny stories in stock so that in such a situation you do not look strange. Of course, you don't get used to it right away.
What are you doing now? I am actively studying and thinking how to squeeze more useful out of this whole situation. Here the pace of life is incredibly fast and easy at the same time. It is not customary to dwell on one thing. It is very important to feel this pace - it organizes life. In addition to studying, I go with friends to the mountains. It so happened that I live in the very mountainous region, and a lot of everything in my life revolves around them. Here and hiking, and rock climbing, and mountaineering, and all kinds of skis, boards and so on.
Your wishes for those who are planning to move. First of all, learn the language as well as you can. And upon arrival, to live in the local linguistic environment - this greatly helps to adapt and integrate into a completely different world. Be open and get the most out of the world around you!
You are in the section where are placed funny, unpleasant, scary and other all kinds of stories from their lives told by tourists, forever imprinted in their memory and leaving unpleasant (or funny) memories.
All published stories are hosted in corresponding to their specific subsections... After all, an embarrassment or anecdote incident with a tourist may be due to both insufficient knowledge of foreign languages and ignorance of local customs. And a scrape or other unpleasant situation, into which the traveler was involuntarily involved, could be caused by the fact that the tourist became the object of an armed attack by a local gang, a victim of swindlers, or simply because of his stupidity, absent-mindedness or inattention, fell into an unenviable position (late on the plane, trouble due to an expired visa, etc.).
Talking about comical, unpleasant and other mind-blowing situations in which Russians found themselves abroad, I must say that this real stories, told by the registered visitors of the site norge-info.ru. In any case, this section is intended to collect real, not fictional stories, and this is required by the site rules. However, this cannot completely exclude the possibility that some stories may turn out to be fiction, because it is not possible to verify their veracity (after all, the existence of so-called trolling on the Internet is known).
1. Insufficient knowledge of a foreign language
This subsection (or, if you prefer, subcategories) contains short stories(stories) about curiosities and misunderstandings that have happened to Russian-speaking travelers due to insufficient knowledge of a foreign language. Here you can cheer yourself up by reading a funny story about what, say, a banal confusion of similar or consonant words in a foreign language can lead to. Or how a misplaced pronunciation can cause some misunderstandings and misunderstandings during communication with the interlocutor who happens to be local residents another country. In addition to the above two examples, there may be a lot of all sorts of unforeseen situations (misunderstandings, embarrassment, anecdotal situations) for the simple reason that you are not fluent in a foreign language.
2. Ignorance of local customs
It should be noted that sometimes the abuse of such banal and harmless things as a public display of "blowing" or a careless stretching of a leg in a cafe (or somewhere else) towards a nearby sitting neighbor in some countries can lead to unpredictable consequences or troubles. In other cases, due to ignorance of local customs (including sign language), you may become the object of ridicule or you will simply not be understood. In the best case scenario, everything can be limited to just a joke, since they can still take into account the fact that you are not from their "pack".
In addition to the possible troubles that may await you in case of thoughtless behavior, curiosities are not excluded, which also arose out of ignorance of local customs. All stories of this kind will be placed here.
3. Adventure on the road
It will store those unpleasant (and not so) moments in life that travelers had to go through during their trip to their destination, returning home from a place of stay abroad during their vacation, or just a sightseeing trip on own car in Europe, in Russia or any other chosen route. And not only unpleasant ...
There are situations when such a global problem as the breakdown of personal vehicles on the way can be a trifle for knowledgeable motorists. In these cases, such instructive stories about how to get out of this predicament, should be "wound on a mustache."
Not only is the road accident cited as an example, but other instructive adventure stories will be of interest to the reader of this subsection.
Many of us have probably watched the documentary series “ "Or at least heard of him. For those who hear about him for the first time, this documentary series, consisting of several seasons, has collected the real stories of those who went abroad and ended up either behind bars or in the clutches of kidnappers due to a tragic coincidence of circumstances, due to their own stupidity, or disorder in life forced the heroes of the series to break the law. Moreover, the stories are told firsthand, that is, by those who had to experience all the "delights" of these misadventures.
In our case, this subsection is intended to collect those cases that happened to tourists, business travelers or Russians who went for temporary residence abroad, when a compatriot who found himself in a foreign land had to stay for several days due to the fact that he lost his passport, the visa of the host country turned out to be expired , by mistake became a defendant in a criminal case and so on. In a word, all those misadventures that happened to our compatriots abroad.
Of course, one should not expect a quick filling of this subsection, at least in the next year or two, because such cases are rarely observed. However, being late for the plane is not so rare and can rightfully be classified as an accident, especially if the delay caused a forced delay at the airport for several days. However, if after being late for the plane you decided to settle in the hotel while you were dealing with the issue of purchasing a new air ticket, then such a story can be placed in the subsection “ Adventure on the road "... But this will again depend on the Norge-info administration.
In a word, this subsection is intended to accommodate various unpleasant moments in a traveler's life.
5. Crime
The subsection was created with the aim of collecting stories telling about how those who found themselves during a vacation or a business trip abroad (or on one of the Russian resorts or cities), travelers almost became (or did become) a victim of local criminals (swindlers, pickpockets, gopniks, etc.); or they simply witnessed how a certain visiting tourist was tried to cheat by swindlers or how in a crowd in broad daylight one of the walking people, for example, noticed the loss of a wallet.
It should be noted that the documentary series “ Real swindlers»Created for a similar purpose. It cites all kinds of fraud that were practiced by specially selected actors who are the best for the series. Well-thought-out methods of divorce easily allowed dummy swindlers to take possession of the victims' belongings or money. Fortunately for the latter, such scams turned out to be only a test of their ability to get divorced and their things (money) were returned to the victims of divorce.
So it is here. Replenishment of the subsection with instructive crime stories will allow the reader who is interested in this topic to learn new knowledge from life situations.
Also, this subsection will store those cases from life when personal belongings or, say, theft of luggage left unattended for a minute at the airport disappeared from the hotel room left for the day.
6. At customs
This subsection includes all sorts of cases that happened to you at customs control. In this case, it does not matter on what vehicle(by plane, steamer, train or own iron horse) crossing the state border was carried out. Of course, short stories about how you went through the metal detector frame put carry-on luggage on the tape to be X-rayed, the passport is not presented here, since such procedures are a routine daily check that all citizens traveling abroad, without exception, undergo.
No, this subsection is for collecting short stories about possible misunderstandings that have occurred, as well as about other not very pleasant situations in which you found yourself during a check at customs. This includes customs inspection (personal or baggage) due to suspicions among customs officials and other unforeseen situations.
7. In zoological and national parks
This subsection publishes cases that have happened to tourists or whose involuntary witnesses they happened to be during a visit to a zoological or national park... Some of these episodes can rightfully be categorized scary stories, because the title of this subsection implies an attack (or an attempt to attack) of wild animals on visitors. Although it can be not only attacks.
In any case, we are talking about those moments experienced in the life of travelers, when they were clearly uncomfortable. Nevertheless, such episodes are not excluded, which can rightfully be classified as funny stories.
8. Other vague stories
Stories from the category that do not fit any of the above subsections will be placed in this subsection. Also in this subcategory will be placed those stories from the life of travelers that could rightfully be placed in several subsections of the section " Stories"... However, this option is not provided and therefore this subcategory has been created for such cases.
Examples of stories that are best suited to get them here: a search at the airport, a check of documents by the police, misunderstandings that have arisen when checking into a hotel, and others.
Naturally, it is impossible to give an exhaustive list of all possible situations from the life of a traveler, which should be placed in this subsection. Intuition will tell you better.
It is important!Z and I visited the border almost a month ago, but some indelible impressions have not been erased from my memory, so I have to write them down. What shocks me most is not the facts themselves and the types described, but the fact that in Russia it did not strike me at all. It seems to us to be the perfect norm.
WOMEN
Our women are almost always irrelevant. For an all-inclusive dinner, where people sit in jeans and T-shirts, they come as if they were at an Oscar. Evening dress, stiletto heels, clutch bag and combat makeup. Once one of these floated into the restaurant, so the British, next to the table, after the first chuckles, directly said: "Russian check-in."
When I lived in Egypt, I constantly noted that our women looked especially wild. To hell with him, with the evening image. But I was always surprised by the hordes of girls who, in a Muslim country, go out into the city in the evening, wearing "shorts" that practically do not cover their butts, and translucent tops. And then they cackle indignantly: Arabs are pesky savages! About heels and wedges on the beach - I generally will kindly keep silent. Looking at our girls abroad, one always thinks: how much they want to get married, since they dress like that!
MEN ARE NO BETTER
My most dearly disliked type is the "let's have fun" guy. Woe to you if he recognizes a compatriot in you - he will hunt you down ten times a day, sympathetically ask why you are so sad, generously share your fumes and invite you to ride a banana. Once I was hiding from the company of such uncles for a whole week, quite talentedly imitating a prim British woman. And two days before leaving, I got pierced - I was peacefully reading a book to myself, and suddenly my ear rumbled: "And I knew that you were Nashinskaya!" I forgot to wrap the cover of the book with something.
A family man leaving is, in my opinion, no less terrible type. If a girl on high heels somehow turns pale and merges with the crowd of mere mortals in sandals and appropriate clothes, then he is the other way around - only now he is showing himself in all his glory. And no white grand piano with "our song" from the Bi2 repertoire, and even the sacramental sounding background "Dad, I pooped!" Staggering and leaning on his seemingly washed-out wife, he stands on passport control naked to the waist, drunk in the smoke and terribly proud that he was able to deftly refill the empty bottles from the minibar with water, and did not pay anything for them.
The desire to deceive someone, in general, our national trait, it seems.
However, there are many warm and friendly places in the world where all these types do not get.
For example, Cyprus, from which I recently returned. I asked the travel agency a difficult task: so that there was something to do, other than “wallowing under an umbrella,” so that there were a minimum of Russians, but at the same time - cheap. In the end, I was greeted by beautiful Larnaca, windsurfing 500 meters from the hotel and pink flamingos on a salt lake a quarter of an hour walk along the beach. And also silence, a spacious room, a private jacuzzi and the absence of comic characters in the hotel. Now you can go
Sh ri-Lanka - more expensive, of course, from 67,100 rubles, but far from possible locations the habitat of drunk men and girls for rent, dissect on the surf, overeat fruit and enjoy life. The most interesting thing when exploring such options is. For example, if you depart on Thursday, the price can be much lower. What is the most expensive option? And the cheapest one? And if not 8 days, but 9, and departure a day earlier?
E this is just an example. Actually
What happens to our tourists abroad. Either the local aborigines will burn them, then they themselves will throw out something, from which foreigners fall into a stupor. The real curiosities that happened to the heroes of the article will not only make you smile, but also become an entertaining lesson on how not to be "Dunka" in a foreign country ...
"The fish is dead!"
Russian couple who spent their Honeymoon in China, I went to have dinner at a fashionable restaurant in Shanghai, famous for the fact that they cook fresh fish there - the very one that the client chooses in a huge aquarium standing in the middle of the hall. The menu is all in Chinese, and the man points his finger at one of the swimming carp and asks, "How much is it?" The waiter, without saying a word, catches the fish with lightning speed and immediately finishes it. The tourist again asks about the price - the Chinese man smiles, nods. Again the question about the price, already more persistent - the answer: "1500 dollars!"
Here our compatriot was simply stunned, he said: “I didn’t order, I didn’t even know the price! Why did they kill the fish? " And he answered: “The fish is dead! The fish is dead! Mani! " I had to flee, so a Chinese waiter with a fish in his hand chased the fleeing customers for a couple of blocks: "The fish is dead!"
Russian club
In the same Shanghai, two Russian women, who arrived on a shopping tour, decided to go to a disco. We came to a nightclub, which the locals recommended to them as “Russian”. In fact, it turned out to be a tiny stuffy institution, in the middle of which several Russian girls were dancing. The Chinese crowded around, looking over the group of dancers with appraising (or rather, appraising) glances.
Our tourists lost their desire to dance, they sat down at the bar and ordered a cocktail. Then a gypsy (!) Comes up to them and asks "Do you work?" The girls looked at each other in confusion. "Those four over there liked you and those three over there ... with whom will you go?" A few seconds later, our "shopgirls", gracefully jumping over puddles and beggars resting on the asphalt, ran away from the "Russian club" and closer to their hotel.
3 pounds or life!
From a tourist's story: “My girlfriend and I are going to go to Cairo on a regular bus. They took with them money, return tickets, passports and put everything in a wardrobe trunk along with a video camera. In the minibus, where the fare costs 2 pounds, I gave the conductor - an Arab kid - 10 pounds, and he decided that we were "white suckers" and did not pass the change. I demanded change from the driver, as a result, the little Egyptian reluctantly returned us 5 pounds (he still kept 3 for himself). Then we got to the bus station, so we didn't demand these pennies from him, and got out.
When the minibus drove away, we found that the camera remained there, on the seat - along with the cover, of course. Oil painting: we are in the middle of the desert, and the minibus leaving with all the papers that are vital for us.
We quickly braked a passing car that looked like a cargo van. The driver was an Indian or Pakistani, who did not understand a word from our hasty English, but agreed to go for a minibus. At great speed, we dashed after her, caught up, overtook and stood across the road with an eerie squeal of brakes.
Next is the cinema. I jump out of the van, run to the minibus, open the door ... ... and see in front of me the face of an Arab kid, white with horror, I decided that we figured out that he had appropriated 3 pounds, and now we will cut him into pieces!
And the camera lay quietly where it lay - in the back seat. Untouched. I pick up the camera, say "Chao" to the kid and go back to the absolutely stunned Indian. He then drove us back to the station ”.
Lost in translation
Another story from the same tourist: “The small Flemish city of Bruges. The population here mainly speaks Flemish, understands English and does not like to speak French. I unpack my things at the hotel and understand that I did not take any soap or washcloths in a hurry. Sunday evening, the city is small and completely unfamiliar. Where the supermarkets are (and if there are any) I have no idea.
After running three or four streets, I run into a tiny private shop with the owner, a doll-like old woman. The shop seems to have everything, but I don't see any soap or washcloths. I try to explain what I need and understand that I have completely forgotten how in English and French is soap and a washcloth. The word SOAP, seen on the soap wrapper, barely pops into memory. I don’t remember how to pronounce it correctly.
As a result of long explanations, the old woman brightens her face and brings several packs of dry soup, which must be poured with boiling water, and then she is very surprised why I refuse it.
Things start to get better only after I play a pantomime - rubbing my hands as if under a stream of water, pretending to soap myself, etc. However, with a washcloth, this path leads us to a dead end. I am trying to show that this something (and this was in the early 90s, large sponges were still very popular in Russia) grows on the bottom of the ocean, then it is plucked and used together with soap. I don't know what associations flashed in her mind, but she was really scared.
I had to strain my memory and at some point the word sponge popped up. It was then that everything became clear, to our mutual pleasure with the old woman. "
Rolls will not leave you in a fool
In the evenings, dozens of seafood restaurants open on the embankments of Balinese resorts. It is worth going there only if you know how to bargain. First, you will be served a menu for the Japanese (that is, with prices 1.5 times higher than usual). The usual menu - it is slightly different in color - will be handed to you reluctantly only if you find yourself "in the know" and insistently demand real prices. Second: bargain! This is how the professionals do it.
“Let's take the lobster.
- How munch?
- 120 thousand rupees per kilo.
- Nooooo ... 75 thousand.
One feels that this is an overkill in the minus. We add: "80 thousand!" The result of the auction is 90 thousand per kilo. And that's not all. Having bargained for the entire menu (first, second, dessert), we move on to the scales. A friend of mine puts his Rolllex on a scale (he knew their weight was 185 grams), the scales showed 350 grams. As a result, the Indonesians caught in deception divide all prices in half again. "
Call from an elephant
A call to the travel agency: “I am calling from an elephant! The elephant stopped in the middle of the river and does not go any further, the camera fell into the water, the driver on his elephant on the other side, help ... ”(the call ends). A call from him after a couple of hours: “I dropped my phone into the river too, I’m calling from a friend’s phone - advise, should you try to turn on your mobile phone or dry it in the sun for a couple of days?”
It was in the Emirates. In the Russo tourist shop, as in " To the diamond hand", I wanted to buy exactly the same one, but with mother-of-pearl buttons. Moreover, he expressed himself in a mixture of Russian-English-Arabic. the client has an extensive Arabic vocabulary, clasping his hands to his chest and says: Ahuy, which in translation from Arabic means "brother." to the core, is removed.
As long as you remember Russian, your life in the Czech Republic will be one continuous fun. "Stinks" translated from Czech spirits, "stale trash" fresh food, "scum with cattle on a float" a stately guy with an oar on a boat and other jokes ... They say that a few years ago, Russian tourists laughing hiccups, looking at billboards " Coca-Cola ". There was a traditional frozen bottle, and the inscription on the shield read: "Finish the creature!" The Russians, hiccupping with laughter, did not immediately realize that in translation from Czech this inscription was just a powerful advertising slogan "Perfect creation!" In Prague, above the entrance to some entertainment establishments the inscription "Girls for free" flaunts. Imagine how Russian-speaking males break off when they find out what it means just that girls don't pay to enter! And also a residential building "barrack", hello girlfriend "ahoy fake" ...
Our glorious Aeroflot has one wonderful flight. It is called Moscow - Kuala Lumpur - Singapore - Dubai - Moscow. Only in that order. And in no way in the opposite direction. That is, if you want to get, say, from Kuala Lumpur (for the dark, this is the capital of Malaysia), say, to Moscow, please do trip around the world 17-odd hours long. (From Moscow to fly there for 10 hours without landing). So that's it. The crowd sits in Kuala in this very Lumpur for the whole A-310 and everyone in Moscow. Kalya-balya, the captain of the ship and the crew greet you, a movie about life jackets, etc. Landing in Singapore. The crew is changed to a new one. New crew - Dear back and forth, the commander and the crew welcome, a movie about vests, etc. Another 7 hours to Dubai. There is a new crew in Dubai again. 12 hours of summer have passed. The people have already gone crazy - they did everything they could: got drunk, vomited, overslept, got drunk, sober up again ...
And then the third crew again: "Dear ladies and gopoda! The commander of the ship and the crew welcome you on board our plane!" To which, from somewhere in the back rows, a loud voice was heard throughout the cabin: "Well, damn it! It's WE, b_lya, welcome you. On board OUR plane!" The thunderous applause lasted 15 minutes. In general - fly Aeroflot planes!
Turkish riding
A friend told me. She has a friend, and her friend has a daughter, 5 years old. Go
rest Turkey. Going means up the mountain serpentine, the guide, respectively
leads a guided tour Look to the left, look to the right.
Who drove the thread through the mountains? Turkish drivers?
That's right - adults can not stand it and (sorry) vomit ... What can I say about children. Vopschem this angel cannot withstand such overloads and begins to actively say goodbye to those eaten at breakfast. She is taken out of the bus so as not to embarrass and complicate an already not the most pleasant process in life.
Following naturally, the remaining passengers stretched out to stretch their limbs and breathe in the mountain air of the turret. To the credit of the bus driver, and perhaps this proud follower of Schumacher, realizing his guilt, decided to give instructions to prevent such a state from happening in the future, and coming closer to our lamb, who, under the careful guidance of her mother, continued the process of calling the ichthyander, uttered a contractile and edifying saying to her, and so to all those who stood by:
Nada Bilya is a straight samatrat! ..
There was a ringing silence ...
In response, the exhausted little girl turned half a turn and presented
drove a face exhausted by attempts, all in tears, saliva and the remnants of breakfast,
issued with the same accent:
Nada Bilya is straight! ..
It was in Turkey. there in resort area a lot of Russian speakers. In one hotel at the reception there were Uzbeks who came here to earn extra money for half a year (most of them were students). However, not every Soviet person is smart enough to guess that his former compatriot is behind the counter.
There was such a guy Nurzhan. The higher education he received did not in any way affect the desire to pose as a "wild Turk". Once a lady approached him: "Do you speak Russian?" Nurzhan's first reaction: "A little bit" - and shows with two fingers how little he knows Russian. And the lady's towel flew off the balcony, and she wanted to somehow explain that this towel needed to be obtained. In general, then, within 5 minutes, a monologue followed, to look at which, as a result, about fifteen people poured out:
"MY (the lady punches herself in the chest) TOWEL (traces a square through the air) BALCONY (shows the balcony with his hands) FALLED (hangs over the imaginary balcony) GET (reaches for the" fallen "towel). DO YOU UNDERSTAND? TOWEL! MY! BALCONY! RAISE! FALLED! MY! TOWEL! "
It is clear that the lady could be heard even in the Odessa region. The climax came five minutes later, when Nurzhan could not resist and, sadly looking the lady in the eyes, said: "Yes, anything can happen ..."
The next day the whole hotel knew the story.
